What we're about
Oahu is such an amazing place with so much to offer- surfing, paddle boarding, hiking, good food, culture, and list goes on. As single people we have so many opportunities, but keep reading because I have a little twist on going out.
THE "NEW" FRIEND ZONE- Yes, this is a new term and radically diffetent way of interacting with other singles and people that we might be attracted to. When I was younger, I datimg some incredible women and was engaged 3 times!!! But each time, the women and I realized that I am such a "free spirit" thst I needed somebody in my life that was willing to chase huge dreams, and live a life of moving where our dreams lead us to. In order to do that, I needed to find a woman that was willing to drop everything if both of our dreams required it. There's millions of women out there that feel the same way.... I just have not met them. So after years of chasing my dreams and being single I stumbled upon something that has been hiding right in front of us all this time- a life of PEACE AS A SINGLE PERSON!!
Even if you don't join the group think about this concept and share it with your friends. Here is how it works. Let's say that I meet a girl (it doesn't matter if I am attracted to her or not), and we become friends. We hang out and have some fun times and eventually I ask her if she has a boyfriend, to which she answers "yes" or "no". Then she asks me if I have a girlfriend, (which I don't), and I tell her that I don't date. I put every girl that I meet into a category that I call the "New Friend Zone". That means that I just hang out with girls as friends for 4-6 months so that I can get an idea if we will workout as a couple. Typically in that 4-6 months I will find things that would have eventually broken us up if we would have dated, but here is the great part- we are still friends!!! No more endless list of people that we met once or twice and never talk to again. And here is the thing that blows me away- in the New Friend Zone we can be very ambiguous about our feelings and offer some really great compliments to the other person. For me, if I think a woman is beautiful in one way or another, I want to tell her. But I only want to do it in a way that she will appreciate. Here is the KEY CONCEPT FOR GUYS that feel the same way- we can give compliments but then not show "our cards". The whole idea is to say really encouraging things that we actually feel but then move on to a different topic, not linger or keep saying things like we always do. And ladies, when we give nice compliments like, "Your hair looks amazing!" answering by saying something like,, "Oh, I haven't washed it for 3 days," is not a good response. "Thanks" will do :)
Following this philosophy is very difficult, but anything worth while is not going to be easy, right? The show stopper for most people is the, "no intimate contact for 4-6 months, and no talking about it." This is a push, back towards the days of being super respectful towards another person and taking time to be good friends and having fun. And if you make it to 5 months- I recommend spending an entire day with somebody in a crowded shopping mall. That will bring out the "crazy" in a lot of people, but that is ok too because then that person just ends up being a good friend. If you make it past 5 months, how do you get it out of "The New Friend Zone? I will tell you when you make it that long ;)
How did this new term come into existence? I was going to school to be a Christian minister and I noticed that a lot of my friends would meet really nice people at church, bars, clubs, the beach, or some other way, but they would go out with them 1 time and that was it. I was thinking that there had a be a different way to do things. And now I realized that us guys can have some control and we can keep from telling girls everything that we think and be respectful. As for the girls, I am learning that the saying is true, "Girls rule, guys drool!" Remember that ladies. When you forget that, you loose your "power" over us and then girls start to pursue guys and they end up looking kind of pitiful to be honest- if you don't believe me, ask a guy. Next- Here is rule #1 "No talking about other people in front of the person you are spending time with." Example- When I meet the nice girl, but I am also attracted to other girls, I go back to Rule #1, act like a gentleman should act, AND NOT TALK ABOUT OTHER GIRLS!!! EVEN ACTRESSES!!!! and ladies, NO TALKING ABOUT "MAGIC MIKE" in front of us either!
So what can we do here in Honolulu? Surf, paddleboard, hike, anything.... but do it WITHOUT it being a "dating" thing. We could meet and I could tell you all about it. I am excited because I have met so many incredible people but to be honest, the girls get it, and guys have a really tough time with it. For those that are into different types of relationships, this may work as well, but I am not in a position to say- and no, it has nothing to do with the fact that I am Christian. I just really think that women are amazing so I haven't thought about this yet outside of my setting. One last thing- this whole concept can be really confusing. Sorry. I speak with my heart so it tends to come out sounding all messed up, but believe me, it is all about treating others with the respect that they deserve and having some great times. So let's go surf!