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Real Life on the Dance Floor (Book of Love, 2013)

Real Life on the Dance Floor
by Victoria Tolonen, Bend Dance
Printed in the Book of Love, 2013 Central Oregon Wedding Expo

Sexiness. Connection. Open to adventure. Grace, heroism and unveiled beauty. Isn’t that what we want in a relationship? It’s what can be created on the dance floor, and it’s surprisingly analogous to real life. In a partner dance, as in any relationship, there are different roles and a foundation of communication, respect and play.

Start with a simple handhold. You hold your partner’s hand so you’re connected, but not gripping tightly or being so loose that your partner can’t feel you. You want to be fully aware of your partner, just like having eye contact in a conversation. When you move it should be with your core so your partner doesn’t just move your arm on the dance floor, but your whole body, and you’re fully engaged. Each person is responsible for his or her own balance, and just like being a self responsible, balanced person, it allows us to interact in a healthy way with our partner. No one wants to be clingy or needy, nor do we want someone messing with our balance and pushing us over. As long as you’re standing on your own two feet (even if they’re both left), you can be part of someone’s movement while maintaining your own happy, healthy independence.

For a conversation to begin one person introduces a topic. On the dance floor the man generally proposes the direction, which is leading, and the woman responds with her idea of how to get there, which is following. Many women have a seemingly allergic reaction to the word “follow”. It sounds like saying, “Check your brain at the door and do whatever he tells you.” However think about the choice to follow as a way of expressing, “I am solid in who I am. I know my boundaries and abilities and in no way do I lose part of myself by letting someone else guide.” In a partner dance he leads by asking, rather than demanding. She responds with her own style, whether it’s sexy, playful, or flirty.

In a dance like West Coast Swing, he leads but she adds her thoughts to the dance. She’s agreed to let him start the conversation but she can interrupt when appropriate so both partners must be able to talk and listen. Above all the music guides the dance. As long as they’re aware of each other and listening to the same song, they can stop along the way and play with the sexy saxophone solo or the flirtatious lyrics. They may not know what’s coming but they’re in sync with each other. It’s true connection.

Exactly what we want in a relationship, right? To be Alluring. Adventurous. Balanced, fully present and fully engaged. Open to confidently connect with your partner. What a beautiful way to experience life.

Table of Contents

Page title Most recent update Last edited by
Real Life on the Dance Floor (Book of Love, 2013) May 4, 2013 1:12 AM former member
About Cooper Dance Company July 29, 2017 10:09 AM Jenny C.

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