Time to Change? By Matt Kendall

“I have low self esteem and I feel depressed” said the client.

“This is because you have a **** life” was my response.

There was a long pause and a look of disbelief, then anger upon the client’s face. Slowly the client realised I was not afraid of his emotions or responses and that I was not going to justify his problems nor give him sympathy for his situation.

After a few minutes, the client, who was close to tears by this point said “but I want to change”. “Then you are in the right place” I replied. And that is how the “therapy” session started.

As a professional change worker I have helped hundreds, if not thousands of people make real world tangible changes in their lives. This is not to do with getting the right “mindset” or “asking the universe” to help you, this is about real world action.

Over the past 6 or so years I have worked with a vast amount of clients and I have noticed patterns of those who get changes, and those who stay stuck. In this talk I am going to present my finding over my career as a therapist and how to take logical and straight forward action in your own life.

This is NOT a motivational talk, in fact it may destroy your hopes and dreams. On the other hand it may give you the insight and tools to change your life beyond recognition. Who knows?

Warning: This talk is not for the faint of heart or those who require support or counselling. Please stay away as this talk is highly likely to offend.

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I'd had depressive phases for over ten years since I was about 14. Social anxiety was a problem, and I never felt comfortable in my own skin around others, like I was missing something vital piece of a puzzle which you needed to feel ok as a person. I went to the GP, and was promptly passed pillar to post between consultations and appointments with psychologists, district psychologist assistants and the rest for about 20 months.

Finally, they suggested I try SSRI antidepressants and go to group CBT workshops. I found these to be pointless, as most people there were upset because their dog had died, or found out they had IBS or something and couldn't cope with their change of circumstance. I on the other hand, was suicidal all the time for some intangible reason, and hated myself and everything else, so nothing they did however sincerely would be able to help me. The SSRIs actually wound up making me much, much worse, which all came to a head when I had a total breakdown in the winter a few years ago. Ironically, it was the drugs that the doctors told me to take which sent me on the worst trip of my life!

Following that I was referred for one on one sessions instead. My psychologist was a really cool guy and genuinely wanted me to do well and get out of my funk. And to be fair, it was effective in making me realise my bad coping mechanisms, and the anatomy of panic attacks, but I didn't really take away anything to change me permanently. I felt better equipped for a while, but I soon found myself looking for love in all the wrong places again with the bottles of scotch, vodka, rum, lager, wine etc. I was drinking heavily again and decided, rather pissedly one night that I had to stop, as I was definitely heading towards an early grave with the way I was going, and had started adding tramadol, codeine and other illicitly procured painkillers into the equation. Blackouts, nosebleeds and constantly feeling like I needed to vomit stopped being fun all of a sudden. I guess it got as bad as it did because I felt I had run out of all the options to fix things.

I found out about Matt from a blog post on self improvement and new years resolutions a few years ago. I then discovered that he did therapy sessions in London. It really made some excellent points and really made sense to me. I realised I'd probably get a lot out of having sessions.Matt was very friendly and welcoming into his practice. He saw I was pretty messed up as I was anxious to the point of shaking but he soon loosened me up and reassured that I'd feel better.

The actual advice and treatment is very straightforward and no-nonsense. Matt isn't afraid to tell you like it is, and doesn't pull any punches with what things you need to explore to better yourself and change. I think this would put some people off as happy clappy new age therapies seem much more fluffy and inviting, but Matt's way actually works and would advise anyone to take sessions. I've felt trapped in my own head for so long, and Matt seems to have found a way to cut through the lot of it in a very simple way.

It's only been a month since my last session. I had three. I'm not eloquent enough to express how much better I feel, but I feel like a brand new person. For the first time in what seems like forever, I feel like I have a future, and that it will be a bright one. People have noticed the improvement in my, and my closest friends know that I've really turned my life around. I've started going out more, and I feel great talking to people. I feel more comfortable with myself and I actually look forward to going out and meeting people. I also enjoy drinking less when I'm out which is MENTAL and I still haven't quite got my head round it. I'm eating better, and have started exercising again. Matt also suggested I had a sort of makeover and see if that did anything. I now have much better fashion sense and the compliments keep rolling in! I'm so excited as this is just the first month of the rest of my life not being crazy and miserable. I have so much more to do and I know I'll enjoy doing it.

Dan

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Hi Matt,

I had just a couple of sessions with Matt last year, and they have really made a difference in my attitude to social situations and relating to women. I had a couple of unpleasant experiences in my teens, to do with pubs and strange women, and let’s not even talk about drunken women! I hadn’t really realised how much that affected me, just told myself that I was just an introverted guy, and there were other places I could meet women.

Anyway, I was a little sceptical about hypnosis but Matt calmly and professionally explained it all, so I gave it a go and now, though I’m aware of those memories, they are foggy and have no emotional impact. That has allowed me to be comfortable in pubs and clubs and socialize with women in a way that I couldn’t have done a couple of years ago. It’s great, now I have lots of positive experiences and emotions to remember!

Thanks Matt

Sean

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I came to see Matt initially having come out of a difficult relationship and suffering from a general lack of confidence. As a newcomer to hypnotherapy, I was quite apprehensive as I didn't know what to expect. After the first session all the anxiety and tension had drained from my body and I felt incredible!

With each subsequent session I really started to think with greater clarity and focus. Matt clearly explained everything at the beginning of each session and was always very welcoming and professional. He has completely changed my idea of what hypnotherapy is and what it can do to revolutionise people's live.

Good Job!

Mark, London

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Hi Matt

"Matt is friendly and relaxed, and I felt that he was able to coax out my inner game issues even though they were not obvious to me. The hypnotherapy process was most enjoyable and fun, and the benefits to my game were apparent immediately."

Hope this is cool. See you soon.

Mr S, London

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Matt worked with me last year for my social anxiety and approaching girls. I was extremely anxious, I can’t emphasize this enough. I was so scared it was hard to sleep for a few days. I looked and felt like hell. The thought of going out on the streets to try to pick up girls had me scared to death.

Matt worked with me and hypnotized me. It was different that I thought it would be. What I remember the most was feeling peaceful and my fears starting to wash away. It was pleasant. I had never been hypnotized before, so this was a first for me. I used to have a lot of fear over simply walking up to a girl in a noisy night club and getting my voice tangled. I had this fear that my voice would freeze up, because it often did and I hardly ever talked to women in these situations.

After working with Matt this is no longer an issue for me. I'm better off now than before I met Matt. If I look back on the training that I did, which was a week long, I would say that things got a lot easier for me AFTER working with Matt. If you have never been hypnotized I recommend it. It leaves you feeling a lot better. I would work with Matt again too. He's also a very cool dude. Check him out, you won’t be sorry!

Pete

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I found Matt randomly through a google search for hypnotherapy on social anxiety and was amazed at his website. With Matt’s straight up approach to the condition and how to deal with it in a more structured way made my recovery a lot quicker and faster than I could imagine.

I can now face people and events with ease and not have to worry about how I look or am coming across or if they notice any of my odd symptoms etc. EMDR (one of the techniques Matt uses) is a great tool and has helped me move on and tackle my problems not only more effectively but much quicker than other therapies out there (and I’ve had a few believe me).

If you have an emotional issue and want to change your life for the better, go and see Matt and see what he can do for you!Thanks Matt! Regards

Deep

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I can’t remember exactly how I first heard of Matt but it was somewhere on the Internet. It may well have been a youtube testimonial.

At the time I was in a bad way due to some experiences I had had whilst living in South Korea. I don’t want to delve into these, in fact myself and Matt never discussed what happened in any depth, but it was fair to say them stemmed from things that had happened long before I had gone to Korea.

When I was younger I had suffered with depression (16-24ish) off and on. Despite making a lot of progress with it setbacks and knocks would cause me to become very negative very quickly which would then spiral downwards. In Korea a lot of this resurfaced.
I had some experience of both hypnosis and NLP. Obviously neither had completely worked. Matt’s approach was different; he used a technique called IEMT to help me re-process the memories and experiences that were causing me problems.

What that looked like was.., well it looked like someone waving a pen in front of my face. Whilst this happened Matt would ask me to follow it with my eyes whilst thinking of the memories strongly. This probably sounds bizarre but the effect has been amazing. The strength of the emotional sensation associated with memory is lessened. This causes the memory to resonate with you less; some almost feel as if they shift in your mind or fade.
This occurred for two sessions; in the second I’d brought with me a list of memories I wanted him to work on. Again, it sounds like a strange process but actually the change in me is profound.

I can safely say that the memories and things that used to bother me don’t any more, I can see the same images and hear the same things but without being affected by them.
Something that was clearly joined with the other issues was a lack of direction in my life. This was causing me to be unsure what to do next and to be honest I’d been in this limbo for some time. I’d never really had any great idea about what career I’d wanted to do which had meant I’d dip my toe into something then jump straight back out then usually end up living at home again. This was a disheartening process, always moving back to square one.

In our final session Matt guided me through a ‘thought experiment’ that helped me to discover what I actually wanted to do with my future. I won’t fill in all the details but I was surprised with the outcome. The more I have considered it since the more it seems to fit with the lifestyle I want to have and I’ve been making steps to get myself moving in that direction.

Since the final session things have continued to improve. Having a proper direction to move in gives everything, including the work I am doing at the moment, more purpose than I might have attributed to it before. I have worked in office jobs before and usually find them dull. This used to get to me, causing me to be miserable, negative or irritable. Now though I am much more positive towards everything. I grin all the time at work too and seem to be the most relaxed person in the department.

Recently I have been planning courses to take and strategies to use when embarking on my new career. Obviously it’s not something I can just walk into but I feel confident that with the right amount of time and effort that I can be successful in it. This positive attitude towards it is a massive change from how I would have viewed something like this previously. I am realistic about it, however I would have focused on all the reasons not to do it rather than the reasons to do it.

I guess if you’re reading this then chances are you are considering session with Matt. Obviously I don’t know what you issues are. What I would say though is if you feel you are unable to find the right path or struggling on the right one because of things that happened in the past then ask yourself whether the unnecessary struggle is worth it.
Since the sessions I’ve noticed a huge change in my outlook and this has flowed into everything I’ve done. I’ve been happier, more relaxed and more confident about the future, which in turn makes me a more fun person to be around because I’m simply happier being me.

George, London

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Hi Matt,

I first went to see Matt because I had problems with PM (premature ejaculation), ED (erectile dysfunction) and overall low and depressed feelings. Not knowing what to expect or if he could even help me at all I booked a session after first speaking with him by email and on the phone.

I liked what he had written on forums and his website about different topics and what he was able to do but was still sceptical as I'd tried every technique I'd read about to help myself and seen a sex specialist who although was very good and knowledgeable was unable to help me. After only a few minutes on the phone I became extremely confident Matt understood the issue well and I booked a session.

I don't know how the therapy works but it did. I left the first session feeling a lot calmer and happier but was still having sex problems. However I didn't care at all, I felt better each day about things. Less helpless and stressed. Unfortunately a few more stressful events happened in my life afterwards which got me down before the second session. But I coped well I think because of Matt.

After our second hour together I felt better again. Calm and relaxed and very motivated. I handled everything life had to throw at me during that period. And not straight away but over the next few months my sex problems evaporated. I don't get down anymore, I don't have ED or PE anymore.

I know this type of therapy is something I can and will always revert to if l'm ever in trouble again. I'm thankful to Matt and his dedication to his work. He was confident, reassuring and very impressive with what he did and I really believe in the type of therapy we tried and that it can work for anything. For me it extended way beyond what I went there for help with and I'm happier, healthier and more confident than I've ever been following our time together.

Regards,

Phil, Finchley

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I have struggled with Anxiety and Depression for most of my life. I have seen many specialists to do with mental health, and seeked advice from dozens of people.I am finally getting to a stage where I would I have almost overcome these problems.I am extremely happy to highly recommend Matt Kendall for his services to do with hypnosis, dating advice and career/business advice.

I want to stress that he will not give you the magic solution to all your problems, because this does not exist, in a long term sense at least. What Matt does is give you very personnel, detailed and practical advice, which can take or leave. He is very good at giving efficient solutions to problems that people may come across in their lives, and he has a great ability to explain what may work and why, which should never be underestimated.

Nicholas

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For what seemed like a long time, I'd been experiencing an certain empty, dissatisfied feeling in my life. It was always there, sometimes a subdued feeling, sometimes fairly intense. I guess there were many different ways in which it affected my life, some of which I'd not even really thought about. Most apparently though, or at least most frustratingly in my relationships with women. Although I'd dated girls I'd never been in a proper relationship. I felt I didn't really know how to assert myself sexually with women. This feeling seemed to amplify as time passed me by, and I saw others around me getting into relationships, married etc.

I had originally met Matt through a PUA training bootcamp where he gave a seminar on inner-game issues and general dating tips. I didn't know much about how 'pick-up' worked, but I attended the bootcamp in the hope that I'd be able to sort out my problem. I enjoyed the weekend a lot but felt I wasn't really addressing my issues so much as pretending to be a person who didn't have those issues, using learned techniques. Matt's seminar however, touched on a few things that I thought might actually be able to help for real. Or at least, help me fix those underlying issues first in order for the other things I learned at the bootcamp to not feel in-congruent with who I am as a person. So I booked a one-on-one session with Matt, hoping to understand more about myself, how I got into the situation I found myself in, and how to get out.

I'd never been hypnotized before and I wasn't sure what to expect. I'd describe the sensation as a deeply relaxed state, where my thoughts and memories appeared much more clearly and vividly than usual. Matt asked me to describe my issues and feelings visually, and asked me questions throughout to help me clarify and pinpoint the problems more specifically, as well as how they were affecting me. Matt explained to me and reiterated throughout the session that he couldn't, or wouldn't 'solve' my problems but would help me outline a plan of actions to take which would help me move in the right direction and over time eliminate the issues I was facing. The first lesson was like taking a jigsaw-puzzle box and emptying the contents all over the table. My mind felt scrambled and a little overwhelmed but now at least I had accounted for everything that was there. I knew what I was looking at. By the end of the second (and final) session I was starting to put those pieces of the puzzle together again in their correct places, having decided with Matt a list of specific actions I was going to take in my life in order to achieve the things I wanted to achieve.

In the following months I started to see the results of my actions. Some of the things I'd discussed with Matt and decided up on exploring further helped a lot, and honestly, some turned out to be dead-ends. But even so, through taking action I was slowly learning what was important to me solving my problems, and what wasn't necessary. I was starting to re-align my priorities in life, the people most important to me and also the expectations placed on me by myself and others.

One of the simplest exercises Matt gave me was to create things in my life to look forward to, and work towards - events, holidays, career plans, anything. That in itself helped me regain a certain focus in my life that I felt I'd lost somewhere along the way. I feel a lot happier in myself these days, a lot more excited and optimistic for the future.

Phil, London

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Hi Matt,

Just wanted to say a huge thank you for all the work you have done. I feel like I'm truly making the most of everyday situations and find myself happier than I can remember being in a long time. I must admit, perhaps due to the nature of my job (I work as a doctor) I approached our session with a little (unhealthy) skepticism towards your approaches on behavioural change. Simply put; I couldn't have been more wrong. There's a wonderful combination of methods I don't understand, and advise so straightforward I think it often gets overlooked; If you don't like where you live, move!

Our sessions and subsequent correspondence have been a catalyst to me trying new things, increasing my productivity and most importantly having more fun.
Best thing is....it snowballs :-)

I would recommend your work to anyone seeking to improve their lifestyle.
Hope to catch up soon.

Every best wish

Anonymous (Medical Doctor)

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I make no promises apart from I will be honest with you. I might be able to help you, I might not.

Tickets are now on sale and I expect them to go quickly. Please book ASAP.

Matt