"Nice" People in an NVC Context

Phoenix Nonviolent Communication (NVC) Learning Meetup
Phoenix Nonviolent Communication (NVC) Learning Meetup
Public group

Private Residence near Curry Rd and Weber Dr. (north Tempe)

address will be emailed to all beforehand · Tempe, az

How to find us

I'll give my address out the day before the event. I'm near Weber Dr. and Scottsdale Rd. in North Tempe.

Location image of event venue


Hello NVC Friends!

I am inspired by a conversation I had yesterday with someone on NVC about this message from Marshall.

If you watch or listen to Marshall's workshops on YouTube (yes, the really long 8-hour ones), he reminds the participants a few times that practicing NVC may not necessarily make one seem like a "nice" person to others. That is because, using NVC, we can state our feelings and needs in tough situations and sometimes the other person won't like hearing our feelings and needs. That's ok.

From my own experience, if I hide my feelings and needs, it can sometimes squeak out later and make a bigger mess than if I had addressed it head-on. It really depends on each individual person though...if you are the type that can confront others, how can you do with more judiciously and with the right intention. If you never speak up, how can you speak up even if you get push-back from others who aren't used to this?

There's also another aspect to this which the picture alludes to. Being "nice" in certain situations could lead to suboptimal decisions made by groups. Gandhi, who led the nonviolent protests against British rule would certainly not have helped lead India to freedom by being "nice". So, there's a whole social and public aspect to this. I'm not sure we'll get into that in this session. But just know that it's there.

That being said, I haven't gotten the exact details of the lesson/practice plan figured out but lets meet, discuss, and develop our skills in this area.

I hope you can join me!

Some expectations for your participation:

* Please be on time. Coming late or early is challenging for me as the facilitator. It adds some stress because I have to either catch the person up to where we are so that they can participate or I am cut short on preparation time before the meeting.

* I have a request (not a demand) that you, to the best of your ability, speak and think in NVC from the time the meeting starts until it ends. That means, we will practice NVC not just in the exercises I devise but with each other in interacting. Please consider this an immersion experience. Also, I request that all of the people in the group please help me with keeping this a safe place for everyone to participate no matter your gender, socio-economic status, political leanings, sexual orientation, skin color, ethnic background, etc.

* Please no food this time. I was touched that someone brought food for everyone in the last meeting. However, afterward, I realized that I felt a little distracted by it and I wanted to get the most I could out of our time together. I also don't want to attract creepy crawlies from food falling on the floor and couches. I feel scared when I see them and I don't want to have the moral dilemma of killing other living things.

* Finally, I will be collecting a voluntary $1 from those who would like to contribute to give to our meeting host Joseph so he will keep paying for this meetup group to survive. Someone please remind me to remind others of this at the end of the meeting. I keep forgetting!

I'm SO LOOKING FORWARD to seeing you all!