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Single Parents - Divorced Adults Group Message Board › The big O after the big D

The big O after the big D

Optimistic C.
OptimisticChris
Madison, WI
Post #: 74
SP-DA... What a GREAT village!

LIKE.

OC
A former member
Post #: 20
Laura, please press the like button any time you want!! I need a little like every now and then:)
A former member
Post #: 21
OC you're right..a great village!!!
A former member
Post #: 19
I just have to say that I have been watching this discussion very closely. I just have to say as I have read comments and thoughts over time I have found myself shaking my head yes and no to the things that are written as I agree, and remember feeling those feelings.

When I am away from the computer and am warding off the battle myself, it has been so insightful to be abe to reflect on these things.

I just have to say thanks to everyone for sharing.
There is no right, wrong... it all just is as it comes to us in our own time in our own way.
We end up arriving at the same place.

Even though I rarely see any of you I feel connected through your words and am glad I found some inspiration to help get me there.

Thanks!

(everyone saw awwwwww.... )
Amy
AmyRenewed
Madison, WI
Post #: 25
AWWWWWWWWWWWW
A former member
Post #: 23
Michelle, I agree, I find myself away from the computer replaying some of these and other conversations over in my mind and forming new opinions as I forge ahead with my personal growth and learn new truths about myself that had I stayed in my marriage I may never have found. There is always something to be learned from life's twists and turns, but mostly there are questions; and the thoughts they provoke. The world is a wonderful playground if we embrace it and seek to learn from it.
A former member
Post #: 33
Okay so it's been a while since my last posting here and I am amazed at how far I have come. As some of you may already know, I have switched over to the BIG APPLE, ( bought an iPad) :). Really have to double check the spelling before hitting submit! Hang in there, this is actually pertinent I promise. So I have been making changes in my life as I discover new truths about myself and gain confidence in choosing to do things for myself that up until now I have not chosen to do because I always put whoever was in my life first. Not in itself a bad thing, but in my case the degree to which I chose, under the guise of caretaking to control the people in my life was over board. I thought that by giving completely of myself, surely anyone I was with would never want to leave me. All this type of behavior managed to do for me, was to leave my true self far in the background while trying to be whatever it was I thought my partner wanted me to be. What a sad thing to do to ones' self. I'm beginning to see that there is no good whatsoever in this sort of relationship or as some of my friends refer to it, "hostage taking". The funny thing is, the way out of this insane thinking is actually to become the kind of person who treats themselves with respect and gives themselves the kind of care and attention that I thought I had to give to others in order to make them want to be around me. In convex, I actually become the kind of person that others want to be around only if I treat myself good first. I think I've mentioned that I should start a blog so that people who didn't want to hear me rant, didn't have to. Only problem is I haven't a clue how to do it. I hardly know how to find other peoples blogs let alone start my own:). I digress... So here is the thing, I have learned more about myself in the few short months since the relative demise of my marriage, than I had in twenty some odd years in my marriage. I'm not advocating divorce just for the pleasure of it believe me, I haven't felt this much pain since high school, but I am advocating for myself, that I remain abstinent from relationships of any romantic or sexual nature, until I am comfortable enough within my own skin, that I am ready to face the world without a partner. When I am able to be at peace with me, I will be able to be at peace with the world and then I may be ready for what my god has in store or me. If I choose to jump into the mill pond with all the other young fry before I reach this point, I am only guarantying myself that much more pain at the end of the next relationship/hostage-taking I choose to participate in. Which brings me back to pertinence. I told you i would get back to that. Today I am pursuing choices that benefit my true self. I am choosing to indulge myself a little; with a new iPad, a trip to a sunnier clime, a good journal and a quality pen. In doing this, I am giving myself a chance to be a better person for the partner who is truly waiting to meet that one who I am trying so profoundly to become! Me..... So alas, no Big O after the big D for me. At least not while I still wear the same old mantle of self deception I have held onto, so tightly, for so many years. It is time for me to shed the mantle of victimization and move forward into a brighter and happier, more confident and self possessed future. A future that promises me, and anybody that happens to enter my life along the way, an honest and respectful union. One that I know I deserve because I have spent the time getting to know myself first. Why is it that I couldn't stop and figure this out before my marriage ended, I could have been a much better partner had I done so. I resolve to be a better partner next time and I resolve to not settle for anyone less than the one who I am meant to be with. Thanks for your fine thoughts along the way. Cal. ...... Hold on, hold on, I have to check the spelling first :)
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