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Amy P.
user 36759682
Middleton, WI
Post #: 5
I am sure that someone out there in SP-DA land has gone throught this-any help is appreciated!

When my ex and I got divorced approximately 2 years ago our child placement was 50/50 (of course). I was adamently against this for a variety of reasons but mostly because the ex has NO viable parenting skills and those he does have are pretty lame.

One of the stipulations in our MSA was that both of us refrain from drinking prior to and during the time we had our kids. While, I don't drink and this was a huge issue in the FCCS study he was still given the kids 50% of the time. Since he did not have a DUI or I could not produce any other 'evidence" than my word against his he was given another chance to develop his parenting skills in a 50/50 placement.

So, what I am getting at is; the No Drinking Order is almost up (will be in Nov 2012) and I want to be prepared to gather data in case he digs himself into such a hole that I can get placement changed if I need to. Any suggestions on how to collect the data in a way that won't be considered 'hearsay". My kids are 14 and 16 and if interviewed would share their opinions so I am not so worried about that, just things like missing conferences, etc.

Thanks
A former member
Post #: 171
I am not a lawyer, but just write everything down. With your kids be 14 and 16, it really seems like they would be 18 before you could do anything about it anyway - the wheels of justice are so slow. The better approach might just be to prepare your kids to handle whatever it they are stuck dealing with. When mine complain about their situation, I just say I am sorry. I also help them plan overnights with friends that allow for a break. If they just want to go to a friends house, this is a nice way of getting them somewhere else without the other parent noticing so much. The other non-legal option is just offering to let them stay at your house. From what I understand, you would need to demonstrate that he hasn't been doing his 50/50 for a long period of time to get the support order changed. Since they would be very close to 18 by that age, he could have security that you wouldn't pursue a change in child support (if he doesn't believe you). From what I was told during my divorce, the parenting plan is there if the parents can't come to agreements on their own. Me and my ex mostly stick to ours, but have negotiated small changes here and there. In the event we have a disagreement about fairness, we default to exactly what the parenting plan says.
Optimistic C.
OptimisticChris
Madison, WI
Post #: 129
Is you ex a habitual drinker or getting drunk when he has the kids or is he like me... one or two beers every night... because I like the taste? wink
If he's getting wasted, I can see why you'd want to change things but if he's expected to never drink when he has the kids... seems a little unreasonable to me.
Just trying to get a better picture of the situation.

OC
Amy P.
user 36759682
Middleton, WI
Post #: 6
Thanks for the replies ! Just to clarify-the "no drinking" order is up this November. My kids will be 14 and 16 when this happens. When this order is up he is able to drink in their prescence which is what they are concerned about based on his daily,totally getting wasted behavior when we were married.

I am talking about getting plastered to the point of slurring his speech, impaired motor control, passing out in the car in Kohl's parking lot after going out for a few after work with friends on a work night. This is a man who began drinking Friday evening at 4:30 pm and kept going (even after he passed out and woke up again) until late Sunday evening. We went on a family vacation and he and his brothers finished a half barrel in 2 days. In the past, he used my 10 year old son as a drinking buddy as he told them they were going out to eat which was actually a reason for him to drink in the bar. That is the kind of stuff I am talking about-not just a few drinks a week.

We had a GAL in our divorce and she vehemently disagreed with my ex having more than every other weekend and a after school to bedtime visit during the week but social worker thought he needed a chance to clean himself up so we ended up with the 50/50. My daughter will turn 17 in February and is already planning her escape from his house-he won't challenge her at all as he is afraid of what she will say or do about him. My son tends to be the new "scapegoat" for him and his girlfriend and since he is 14 I have 3-4 more years of this nonsense with the ex. My 14 year old is not to happy about having to go over there but understands that he has to until we have more info to change the placement.

The only thing I know for sure to do is to call the police if the children call me to pick them up because of his drinking. They will ask him to do a breathilizer which will be evidence that he had been drinking as opposed to my word against his. if he refuses that that will also be taken as a sign of guilt.

I am hoping that all my worry will be for naught and that he will continue to remain sober around the kids-but I am not holding my breath on that one.
Optimistic C.
OptimisticChris
Madison, WI
Post #: 130
Thanks for the additional info...
I only have one crazy suggestion... if he lives in Madison... he has a recycle bin that is put out every two weeks with the garbage. A quick visit on garbage day with a camera to photograph the contents may (or may not) be useful!
I hope no-one ever looks in mine! wink

You certainly need to protect your kids from this type of irresponsible behavior.
Incidentally, I'm also assuming that the kids are confirming that he is drinking to excess during their visits, hence the need for proof.

OC

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