The Agony of Eros — Desire, Otherness, and the Loss of Depth in Modern Life

Byung-Chul Han’s The Agony of Eros offers a striking diagnosis of what he calls the disappearance of “the Other” in contemporary life. In a culture saturated with self-optimization, endless visibility, and the pursuit of frictionless interaction, Han argues that our capacity for eros—our ability to be transformed by that which truly stands outside us—has withered. The result is a world that feels increasingly flat, narcissistic, and emotionally drained.

In this single-session discussion, we’ll explore Han’s central idea that eros requires otherness, and that without this tension, both love and meaning begin to evaporate. We’ll consider how his argument touches on desire, depression, narcissism, embodiment, and the struggle to encounter another person in a genuine way.

Required Reading
The Agony of Eros by Byung-Chul Han (about 53 pages). Available here.

Optional Recommended Materials
If you want to deepen your experience or bring richer perspectives to the conversation, the following works pair beautifully with Han’s themes. None of them are required.
Film
• Melancholia (2011), dir. Lars von Trier
A visually stunning meditation on depression, desire, and world-loss. Several scenes resonate strongly with Han’s critique of narcissism and the collapse of relational depth. Available for rent on streaming platforms.
Music
• Tristan and Isolde (Wagner)
Particularly the Prelude and Act II. A story driven by longing, ecstatic otherness, and the tension between desire and annihilation—core motifs that illuminate Han’s notion of eros as transformative encounter.
Philosophy
• Hegel, Phenomenology of Spirit, “Lordship and Bondage” (Master/Slave Dialectic)
Hegel's account of how recognition, dependence, and otherness shape the self—deep background to Han’s claim that we can only find ourselves through encounters with the Other. 8 pages in the Phenomenology of Spirit Chapter IV: “Self-Consciousness” - Section A: “Independence and Dependence of Self-Consciousness: Lordship and Bondage.”

Meeting Info
Saturday 12/27, 12:30pm–2:30pm
The Oyster Room @ Pier 57
Required Reading:
The Agony of Eros (entire book)
All other materials are optional.
You are welcome to bring insights from them—or simply enjoy the core text on its own.

Rules for Our Group
1. Be Courteous
Respectful disagreement is encouraged; condescension isn’t.
2. Be Concise
Keep comments focused and allow space for others to join in.
3. Do the Reading
If you haven't finished the week’s reading, you’re welcome to attend and listen, but participation in discussion will be limited out of respect for those who prepared.

Looking forward to discussing these themes with all of you!
—Brent