You're Not a Bad Parent: Teaching Responsibility Without Shame

Do you find yourself saying things like "What's wrong with you?" or "Why can't you just behave?" when your child makes a mistake—and then feeling terrible about it afterwards?
Or do you hold back from addressing behaviour at all because you're terrified of damaging your child's self-esteem or repeating the harsh discipline you experienced growing up?
This 60-minute online webinar is about teaching your child accountability and responsibility without breaking their spirit or your connection—so they can learn from mistakes instead of hiding them, lying about them, or shutting down in shame.
Many of us didn't grow up learning the difference between guilt (which motivates repair and growth) and shame (which shuts down learning and connection).
We heard:

• "You're so naughty."
• "You're lazy/selfish/ungrateful."
• "What's wrong with you?"
• "You should be ashamed of yourself."

And now, when our own kids mess up, we either:

• Over-correct with harshness (and feel terrible afterwards), or
• Under-correct with permissiveness (because we're terrified of damaging them the way we were damaged)

The truth is, guilt says "I did something bad." Shame says "I am bad."
Guilt opens the door to accountability, learning, and repair. Shame closes it—and teaches kids to hide, lie, people-please, or become perfectionistic and anxious.
This webinar will teach you how to hold your child accountable for their behaviour while protecting their sense of self-worth—so they learn responsibility, not shame.

What We'll Cover
In clear, parent-friendly language, we'll explore:
Shame vs Guilt: What's the Difference?
Why "You're being so naughty" damages connection, while "That choice didn't work—let's figure out what to do differently" builds accountability and trust.
How Shame Shows Up in Kids
The warning signs across ages:

• Hiding, lying, or people-pleasing (fawn response)
• Aggression or defiance ("I don't care!" when they clearly do)
• Shutting down, going silent, or refusing to engage
• Perfectionism, rigidity, or anxiety about making mistakes

The Language of Accountability Without Shame
Real scripts you can use this week:

• NOT: "You're so selfish. Why can't you think of anyone but yourself?"
  Instead: "You took your sister's toy without asking, and that hurt her. What can you do to make it right?"
• NOT: "You're lazy. If you'd just try harder, you'd get better grades."
  Instead: "It looks like homework is really hard right now. What part feels hardest? Let's figure out what support you need."
• NOT: "What's wrong with you? Normal kids don't act like this."
  Instead: "That behaviour isn't okay. I know you're struggling with something. Let's talk about what's going on."

Natural Consequences vs Punishment
Why punishment ("You're grounded for a month!") teaches fear and resentment, while natural consequences ("You broke your sister's toy, so you'll need to replace it with your pocket money or do extra chores to earn it back") teach responsibility and repair.
Teaching Kids to Make Amends
How to guide your child through the repair process after they've hurt someone, broken something, or made a poor choice—without shaming them or letting them off the hook.
Your Own Shame Triggers (And How They Leak Into Discipline)
Why your child's lying, defiance, or "disrespect" might activate your own childhood shame—and how to catch that pattern before it damages the relationship.
Shame-Resilient Parenting
How to respond when your child makes the same mistake repeatedly, when they won't take accountability, or when you're worried you're being "too soft."

You'll Leave With

• A Shame vs Guilt Cheat Sheet – Quick reference for language that builds accountability vs language that shuts kids down
• Accountability Scripts by Age (5–9, 10–13, 14–17) – What to say when your child lies, breaks something, hurts someone, or refuses to take responsibility
• Natural Consequences Guide – How to let real-world outcomes teach responsibility without adding punishment or shame
• Your Shame Trigger Tracker – A tool to identify which behaviours activate your own childhood shame (so you can interrupt the pattern)

Plus a small weekly experiment: One situation where you practice accountability without shame, and notice what shifts.

Who This Is For
This session is for you if:

• You find yourself saying harsh things when your child messes up—then feeling terrible and apologising, but doing it again the next time
• Your child hides mistakes, lies to avoid trouble, or melts down when corrected (signs they're internalising shame, not learning accountability)
• You swing between being "too harsh" (repeating your own parents' shaming language) and "too soft" (afraid to correct at all)
• Your child says things like "I'm stupid," "I'm bad," "Everyone hates me," or "I can't do anything right"—and you're not sure where that's coming from
• You were raised with a lot of shame ("You're so…", "What's wrong with you?"), and you're determined not to repeat that—but you're not sure what to do instead
• Your child is a perfectionist, anxious about making mistakes, or refuses to try new things because they're terrified of failing
• You want to teach responsibility and consequences without damaging your child's self-worth or your connection

You don't need to have attended the earlier webinars to come to this one, though it builds naturally on Repair & Rebuilding Trust, Boundaries That Don't Break Connection, and Anger as a Healthy Signal.

What to Expect on the Day

• A warm, non-judgmental space where there's no "right" answer—just yours
• Short teaching blocks with real examples across age groups (young kids to teens)
• Concrete scripts you can use the very next day when your child messes up
• Time to reflect on your own shame history and how it shows up in your parenting
• Practical tools for teaching accountability without breaking the connection
• Q&A at the end so you can bring your specific situations into the conversation

You're welcome to keep your camera off if that feels safer. Come as you are—messy house, tired brain, shame triggers and all.

About This Series
This is Webinar 7 in the series: You're Not a Bad Parent: The Emotional Skills Most of Us Were Never Taught.

• Webinar 1: Parenting Struggling Teens – understanding the adolescent brain and why they're not trying to hurt you
• Webinar 2: From Meltdowns to Co-Regulation—Staying Steady When Your Child Loses It
• Webinar 3: Boundaries That Don't Break Connection — setting clear "I will…" boundaries with kindness
• Webinar 4: Anger as a Healthy Signal – using anger to identify needs and ask for support, instead of exploding or shutting down
• Webinar 5: Parenting from Your Values – making decisions from what matters most, not what you're most afraid of
• Webinar 6: Repair & Rebuilding Trust – coming back after ruptures and showing your child relationships survive hard things
• Webinar 7 (this session): Teaching Responsibility Without Shame – holding your child accountable while protecting their sense of self-worth

You can join this as a standalone session, and there'll be an option at the end to access recordings or book further support if you'd like.

About Your Host
"I'm Angelique, a transformational coach and mum who has parented through crisis and come out the other side. I know what it's like to hear your own parents' harsh words coming out of your mouth—and to feel sick about it afterwards. I also know what it's like to over-correct in the other direction and struggle to hold boundaries because you're so afraid of damaging your child.
That season pushed me to learn the difference between shame (which shuts kids down) and guilt (which opens the door to learning and repair). It changed everything.
Now I work with parents of strong-willed, sensitive, and struggling kids and teens, helping them teach accountability and responsibility without repeating the shaming discipline they experienced—or swinging into permissiveness because they're terrified of being 'too harsh.'
I'm trained through the International Coaching Institute and hold an Advanced Diploma in Drug and Alcohol, but what usually matters most to parents is this: I know how confusing it is to want your child to learn from mistakes without crushing their spirit—and I know there's a way to do both."

Practical Details

• When: Wednesday, 11 February 2026, 11:00am – 12:00pm AEDT
  (When you RSVP, you'll receive the date and time in your own time zone)
• Where: Online via Zoom
• Cost: Free

Can't make it live?
You're still welcome to register. Everyone who signs up will receive the replay link and resources afterwards, so you can watch in your own time.

Call to Action
Click "Attend" to save your spot and receive the Zoom link.
If you know another parent who struggles with how to discipline without shaming—who either comes down too hard and feels terrible, or avoids correcting at all because they're afraid of damaging their child—you're warmly invited to share this event with them.
Sometimes the biggest shift comes from learning that you can hold your child accountable AND protect their sense of self-worth at the same time. You don't have to choose.
See you there.

Angelique
Bee Positive Coaching
The Only Way Out Is Through Meetup Group