Welcome to another one of your bad decisions!   

New 2012 group.  Do you have more travel schemes than an espionage agency?  Would you gladly entertain a highly dubious exploit if it sounded like too much fun?
    
What we are not about:   

• Marketing some sad travel agency (or some happy travel agency for that matter)  
• Selling anything to anyone, other than a thirst for questionable ventures, outrageous characters and anything with a high wit-to-size ratio – and that’s free  
• Dues. We pay the few dollars it takes out of our cut from the Monaco heist (our last meetup)  
• Pretension. If you want to be cooler than everyone else, please sign up for the “I’m a Lame Traveler" Group. Unless you crossed the Taklamakan desert naked on a camel with less than three legs, we know someone just as cool as you. Come to find compadres, not to show off.
• Full-time reminiscing. While it’s lovely to wax poetic about all that cool stuff you did back when you had a pair, this is for those still living it up. You don’t have to be as crazy as you used to be, but you gotta have some kick ass perils still to come. The “planning crazy sh*t” aspect of this syndicate is integral to its spirit.

sure, we've got a great tour guide for you

You might want to join if:

• you bit into something unknown and perhaps still moving in your curry at a train station in Uttar Pradesh, paused, gave it some thought, removed it from your mouth and continued eating
• you can say “Sorry I’m married” in nine languages
• you don’t need no stinkin’ reservations - you’ve got cash and a smile
• you can match the following local hooch (chang, pulque, chibuku, chicha, tej) with its respective fermented ingredient (corn, honey, barley, sorghum, agave) and the reason why you know this is intimately connected with why you once traded clothing for food
• you would never wear convertible pants to a nightclub in Bamako, no matter how advanced the microfiber technology
• you cannot mention in mixed company where they can stick your matching t-shirt
• you prefer to cross borders on foot
• you take back that last comment after Guinea-Bissau
• no one needs to tell you that you can get extra pages in your passport at any embassy
• you have woken up on a bus with a different animal next to you than when you dozed off
• you’d sign up for a six-week guided package travel tour with ‘adventure holidays’ – right after they removed the .38 slug from your brain
• as silly as they seem, you have a grudging admiration for those kids that sell jewelry and juggle fire in order to live on the road – especially when you are at the border leaving
• you have first-hand knowledge of how popular ‘Hotel California’ is worldwide
• you heard ‘I Shot the Sheriff’ butchered in Bolivia, and danced the whole time
• you love NYC because it is the whole world wrapped up in one place
• you have something to add to this list that is both funny and involves a foreign prison

you're gonna make me laugh or we've got a problem, sonny!

What will happen:

• Put a bunch of no-holds-barred travel freaks in a room together, like you really need an agenda? Make a team for the SE Asia Rickshaw Run; convince your taxi driver to teach you how to brew bouza; come up with a cockamamie scheme to start a Filipino dive school, it’s all good! (or at least we will get a good laugh in)

And yes, you have to be approved.  We have to have some standards right, or else you’ll wind up in a bar with god knows who hangs out on meetup, bored to tears.  All you have to do is make your fellow members laugh with either (i) a travel story or (ii) two more items for the above 'you might want to join if...' list This should be a piece of cake for someone as witty and well-traveled as you (tip: we're a sucker for stories involving missing pants).  Think of it this way: wouldn’t you rather kick it with people who can entertain you while you wait for the border patrol to evaluate your 'holiday tip'?  Right, it works both ways, amiga. Fear not, psychological studies tell us that nearly everyone thinks they are above average, so you should expect to do fine. And anyway, if this could spook you, you'd have had no prayer of flagging down that matatu in Nairobi, and we all know how that went…

I can't believe you didn't let me join your stupid group! I'm funny dammit!