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Orlando Humanist Association Message Board › Submit Your Favorite JOKE or STORY

Submit Your Favorite JOKE or STORY

Daniel S.
user 4619933
Kissimmee, FL
Post #: 43
Three Catholic nuns die and show up at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter says: "Sisters, I know you all led good lives and had faith, but the rules require that I ask each of you a question before letting you into Heaven."
He asks the first nun: "In the Garden of Eden, who was Adam's partner?" "Oh," says the nun, "that would be Eve." St. Peter says: "Very good, sister. Open the gates!" In she goes.
To the second nun St. Peter says: "What was the name of the garden where Adam and Eve lived?" "Oh," says the second nun, "That was the Garden of Eden." "Very good," St. Peter replies, "Open the Gates!"
Now the third nun is before St. Peter. "Tell me, sister," he says, "What did Eve say the first time she saw Adam naked?" "Oh my," she replies, "that's very hard!" St. Peter's reply is: "Very good, sister. Open the gates!"
A former member
Post #: 237

A former member
Post #: 238

A former member
Post #: 239

A former member
Post #: 2
"It doesn't matter whether you're selling Jesus or Buddha or civil rights or 'How to Make Money in Real Estate With No Money Down. That doesn't make you a human being; it makes you a marketing rep. If you want to talk to somebody honestly, as a human being, ask him about his kids. Find out what his dreams are - just to find out, for no other reason. Because as soon as you lay your hands on a conversation to steer it, it's not a conversation anymore; it's a pitch.

~From the movie, "The Big Kahuna" with Kevin Spacey & Danny Devito ...an absolute must-see for every American human...If you like your parable presented to you in an intelligent way.
A former member
Post #: 248

Jack M.
suite144
Group Organizer
Orlando, FL
Post #: 805
The following is from Peter. Thanks!




AN ATHEIST IN THE WOODS

An atheist was walking through the woods..

'What majestic trees!
'What powerful rivers!
'What beautiful animals!
He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him..

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him..

He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer.

He tripped & fell on the ground.

He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him...

At that instant the Atheist cried out,
'Oh my God!'

Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.

'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.'
'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?

Am I to count you as a believer?

The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a believer now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?'

'Very well,' said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:


'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.'
Jack M.
suite144
Group Organizer
Orlando, FL
Post #: 813






Jack M.
suite144
Group Organizer
Orlando, FL
Post #: 827
A Burning Question!


A former member
Post #: 1
If you ask the wrong questions you get answers like '42' or 'God'."

On the sixth day God created man. On the seventh day, man returned the favor.
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