How do we know we've actually deceived someone?
Do we ask them?
-no, can't ask them.
We could ask a friend how we did -but then, they're NOT the person we're TRYING to deceive, so they wouldn't know for sure, would they?...Oh well, guess we'll just keep up the pretending and hope we weren't (and won't be) caught! ;D
Question: Does image maintenance require energy?
-And would telling the truth free up some of that energy spent deceiving -so that we could listen to others more intently, express ourselves more meaningfully, and face reality head on (instead of avoiding uncomfortable situations)?
Yeah, that's a loaded question I came up with, so what? Telling the truth (as opposed to lying and withholding) helps people to live happier healthier lives!
Voila, some research!: http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2012/08/lying-less.aspx
"When people engage honestly, energy that was wasted maintaining a performance to make an impression is suddenly available for real creativity. When we admit our pretenses we can refresh our relationships and powerfully create our future together. Radical Honesty is direct communication that leads to intimacy in relationships."
-From the Radical Honesty homepage.
This group is an invitation to a community of intimate friends committed to creating a revolution in consciousness through direct, open and honest conversation. We're a support group of sorts for folks who want to clean up the unfinished business in their lives and really live, love, and be loved for the fucked up and wonderful human beings that we ACTUALLY ARE. ;)
It's forgiveness training, I suppose. Being told the truth of what others really think and have really done -so we have the opportunity to experience the truth and forgive others for those things, and telling the truth of what we really think and have really done -so others have an opportunity to discover the truth and forgive us -instead of just lying and pretending that everything is OK and silently dwelling on it for hell knows how long (some folks go their whole lives!)!
We use the practice of Radical Honesty as written and described by Dr. Brad Blanton in his best-selling books: Radical Honesty: How to Transform Your Life by Telling the Truth, and Practicing Radical Honesty: How to Complete the Past, Live in the Present, and Build a Future with a Little Help from Your Friends.
In the group we commit to telling the unfiltered truth -however ugly/wonderful it may seem- and to supporting others in being honest and telling the truth, regardless of how much the rest of us squirm.
What to expect: We'll be doing exercises directly from the Radical Honesty workshops. We'll learn the skills of noticing vs. imagining (very useful in realizing how we create all our own relationship woes), meditation, paying attention to our bodies (helps clue us in on when we're really fucking pissed and lying to ourselves about it), using language to take responsibility for our own experience and relating our experience to others without taking responsibility for their experience (and without requiring them to take responsibility for ours), and a whole bunch of other useful, embarrassing, and fun tools to ruin our lives and build more functional ones in their place!
I'll be leading a bunch of these coagulations; so come come on in, the water's tepid and sometimes downright miserable! ;D
I'm a so-called "Radical Honesty Trainer-in-Training"; Over the past 5 years I've read the books, been to a three-day workshop, two 8-day workshops, a 5-day Trainer's Training, have two female lover/best-friends, one soon-to-be ex-wife/best-friend of 5 years (whom I'm having probably one of the best divorces ever with), and a surprisingly cute 2 year-old son. I've pissed off a bunch of folks, loved and been loved by a bunch of folks, and spent a helluva lot of time cultivating an image that I did a pretty shitty job of maintaining anyway... so, that's who you'll be teaching and learning from some of the time! ----
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