About This Meetup Group
This is Ireland's first and only polyamory discussion/support group, formed in 2008. There are individuals and Polyamory groups all around the world challenging culturally-based assumptions that monogamy is the only acceptable relationship structure. This group exists to give the many people out there who are interested in these issues a safe, fun, respectful way and place to talk about the philosophy and practice of polyamory.
What is Polyamory?
(sometimes, rarely, spelled "polyamoury")
A brief but good description is this:
"POLYAMORY: (from Greek πολυ (poly, literally "multiple") and Latin amor (literally "love")) is the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Polyamorous perspectives differ from monogamous perspectives, in that they respect a partner's wish to have second or further meaningful relationships and to accommodate these alongside their existing relationships."
Polyamory has been in existence in one form or another probably as long as human relationships have been but the actual term emerged in the 1980's. The words "Polyamory, Polyamorous and Polyamorist" were formally added to the Oxford English Dictionary in 2006. Many people lead polyamorous lives without identifying as such or 'naming' what they do.
There are several key values associated with polyamory. Briefly, these are:
- Fidelity and loyalty: Many polyamorists define fidelity as being faithful to the promises and agreements they have made, rather than in terms of per se sexual exclusivity. Having a secret sexual relationship which violated one's negotiated agreements would be seen as lacking fidelity. Polyamorists generally base definitions of commitment on considerations other than sexual exclusivity, e.g. "trust and honesty" or "growing old together".
- Trust, honesty, dignity and respect: Most polyamorists emphasize respect, trust and honesty for all partners. A partner's partners should be accepted as part of that person's life rather than merely tolerated, and a relationship that requires deception, or where partners are not allowed to express their individual lives, is often seen as a poor model.
- Mutual support: This requires that each partner will support, and not undermine, the other, and will not deliberately use a secondary relationship to harm another party or relationship.
- Communication and negotiation: Because there is no "standard model" for polyamorous relationships, and reliance upon common expectations may not be realistic, polyamorists often advocate explicitly deciding the ground rules of their relationships with all concerned, and often emphasize that this should be an ongoing process of communication and respect. Polyamorists usually take a pragmatic approach to their relationships; they accept that sometimes they and their partners will make mistakes and fail to live up to these ideals, and that communication is important for repairing any breaches.
- Non-possessiveness: Polyamorists believe that restrictions on other deep relationships are not for the best, as they tend to replace trust with a framework of ownership and control. They tend to see their partner's partners in terms of the gain to their partner's life rather than the threat to their own. Poly relationships do vary and some can be possessive or provide for the primary partner's veto or approval, whilst others are asymmetrical?possessive one way, but not the other.
Times are changing, people are changing. Divorce and secret extramarital affairs (otherwise known as "cheating") are rampant in societies where monogamy is the dominant relationship paradigm. Sweeping changes are occurring in the sexual and relational landscape" (including dissatisfaction with limitations of serial monogamy, i.e. exchanging one partner for another in the hope of a better outcome')
Love takes many forms and one size doesn't fit all. The old traditional ways of relating don't necessarily work anymore and new solutions are required. Polyamory is one such solution that can and does work for many people.
However, polyamory is frequently misunderstood. Polyamory is not "The Answer". If you are looking for a quick fix for relationship problems, don't look to polyamory. It is a choice, as is monogamy, that needs to be taken responsibly, and brings with it many challenges. It is definitely not a fix for a bad marriage or other serious relationship problems.
Who should join this group and why?
Anyone with an interest in interpersonal relationships, personal growth, anyone with polyamory experience. If you have an inkling that you should be here, then you probably should! Just join up and come to a meeting! It's easy and there's nothing to fear, we are a loving bunch. Really, what have you got to lose? More importantly, what have you got to gain?
What are the local Polyamory resources?
Well, you're looking at them! As far as we know, this is your only Irish polyamory resource. This is likely to change in the future, but for now, we've got a great bunch here so feel free to talk to any or all of us. We've linked up with Amazon.com to bring you a selection of polyamory-related books.
Any purchases made through this link will go to support the operating costs of running this group.
Share Your Stories.
We encourage you to share your experiences of polyamory (or related things) with us. Use the tools this Meetup group has given you to tell us about yourself and communicate with others. You never how valuable that little piece of yourself that you decided to share could be to someone else. Good relating is all about good communication. Start here. Start now.
The Message Boards are regularly updated with news, events, articles, information - visit them regularly and be sure to set each forum to notify you when new content is posted.
We welcome all loving, respectful, and genuinely interested people. However, if you are rude, harassing, offensive, hostile or the like, you will be asked to leave and not return and will be banned from the group. If your motivations are not in harmony with the stated objectives, please do us all a favour and refrain from joining or attending events. Thanks.
"Your love is located within you. It is yours to nurture and savor, to give to others in any way you choose. Love must be without qualifications or demands. You must learn to find ecstasy in other peoples happiness. Once you feel love for yourself, it is quite normal to give it away."
-- Wayne Dyer