San Francisco Gay Men's Salon Message Board › Thoughts/questions about Sex for Pay -- Valid alternative! – or Not?
San Francisco, CA
The issue which most interests me (though I have once each been on the provider and purchaser side of "sex for pay" which were interesting, is about what sex and money means for us, topics which are I think usually not much thought through but knee jerk (not a pun!) reactions. Some further thoughts follow:
Thoughts/questions about Sex for Pay -- Valid alternative! – or Not?
It may have occurred to some of us, interested in economizing, that it would actually be a LOT cheaper and perhaps more satisfying to rent a playmate rather than engage in all the difficulties – and the sometimes enormous expense! – of “relationships.
Consider the time cost of many hours cruising in bars, on the streets or, nowadays, on your computer or smartphone. What could you have earned and bought if half that time were devoted to work or education or even, for the generous, charitable volunteering? Consider the cost of dates, Valentine’s presents, vacation cruises, going to Thailand for boys, joining organizations (or the Church!) to meet cute eligible available guys. Nowadays consider the costs of marriage, couples therapy --- and Divorce! Consider the emotional pain of rejection (for some of us, rejection after rejection), the multi-week, month or year agony of recovering from busted relationships. Consider having to settle, for most of us, for other than “the super cute, hot studish" one we really wanted.
For far less than the cost of maintaining a car or even a dedicated parking space of our own, it seems like we could have EXACTLY what we want sexually and our preferred flavor of cuteness or hotness – and not have them demand staying over post-climax – or breakfast the next day when our passion has declined and other desires and duties call us.
Nor is this just a gay issue. Consider the billionaires with trophy wives – and the ex-wives with trophy divorces! Go see the Bulgari jewelry exhibit at the De Young and count the costs of the gifts, mostly to wives – though sometimes no doubt to mistresses.
Why then do we denigrate, in our society, the logical alternative of sex for pay? Is it because we see it as a non-Liberal capitalist alternative and find it politically wrong? Is it because we agree with the church that only marriage or at least committed relationships and true love (and procreation?) is a legitimate basis for sex? Is it because we think our friends will look down on us for not being cute enough or adept enough to attract a “freebie”?
Or is it perhaps because we seek not so much sex, despite the siren and muscular call of hormonal drives, but something else called “love”. And if so, what is love, why does it seem to us so desirable – and does “pay” mean that love can not exist?