The West Suburban Divorce Support Group Message Board › Custody & child support

Custody & child support

A former member
Post #: 2
Looking for advice, I have 4 kids with my soon to be EX a 19, 15, 12, and 11. When my wife left me to "Find herself" the oldest 2 stayed with me but 12 & 11 with her but see that they want to live wirh me also but are afraid she will stop talking with them.
I don't want to het between her and the kids but also want to do they right thing.
Also as far as child support if the 2 end up staying with her and the one 15 with me does s he have to pay support like I do?
Bill W.
user 13559176
Darien, IL
Post #: 8
The unspoken question, the unchallenged assumption , and the hidden agenda? Well where do I start? first of all do not, I repeat do not ,put your children in a position where they feel they have to make a choice between you and mom that will come back to haunt you forever trust me on this one. My first suggestion to you is to start talking to STBX about joint shared custody and as close to a 50 50 split as possible. Once you talk to her ask her if she would be willing to sit down with the kids for a family meeting to discus what ever terms you 2 can work out. Where the kids live at 11,12,and 15 should be decided between you and x these kids are not emotionally developed enough to make that kind of choice and no matter what kids need the support of both MoM and DAD during this difficult time. If we cling to the results of our actions as a way of self - identification, then we become possessive and defensive and tend to look at our fellow human beings as enemies to be kept at a distance. One walks a fine line between self- delusion and self- preservation and inspiration. So you need to consider the greater GOOD of the whole without losing track of your personal needs and desires. Please don't get caught up in superficial trappings the more important perspective is to understand that every hour demands fateful choices and critical decisions which bring with them considerable stress. You have this opportunity to make the best of what is left to you after a tumultuous upset. if you sink into depression about what is lost, you are going to go nowhere. Focus on the value that still remains, and make the best of it as optimistically as possible. As far as child support goes first I will tell that every payer says" they pay to much" and every receiver say "they don't get enough!" So I will add my 2 cents in 2002 the UN. Minn. did a study on the Cost Of Raising children and here are some results be it out dated from their research. For a one parent house hold for a child 12-14 the monthly food cost for lower income is $126.00 per month that is per child the monthly Clothing cost for 12-14 is $60.00 per child. Monthly housing cost is 12-14 $208.00 per child Transportation 12-14 $51.00 Health care 12-14 $42.00 Education 12-14 $32.00 Miscellaneous Cost 12-14 $43.00 That a total of $562.00 a month for a child between 12 -14 and an income of under $38,000 a year higher incomes cost all go up. So why do we complain That is $160.00 dollars a month more then I get for 3 children kids cost a lot of money! anyway you should down load and print out and keep (750 ILCS 5/505 Sec. 505) and Calculating Child Support Obligation at www.childsupportillinois. com/general/calculating.html So you are only talking 3 children under 18 so if you had to pay for all 3 that is 32% of adjusted gross income 2 would be 28% of adjusted gross income and 1 is 20 % of adjusted gross income. So where you are at now she has 2 you have 1 , so 1 offsets 1 you should be at 20% agi if you are paying more you should get it amended. The one good thing about child support is it always can be amended for cause you can find out how on the above web sight. One more thing if you can arrange to share at 50 50 or as close to it as possible you should be able to convince a judge that neither of you should pay a support order to the other. However make sure you set up an educational and clothing fund jointly which you both contribute an equal amount to cover school supplies, tuition, sporting fees, and clothes that would be the fair way to go. Just my 2 cents hope this help you GOOD LUCK.
A former member
Post #: 3
Thank you for your responce. Not a lot of people going or have gone through this approach's ot with good attitude but I can assure you that is exactly what I have. As far as the kids they know enough between parents to make a decision at that age as long as it is not fueled by guilt. My STBX is being selfish to the point that they notice you as a parent have to look for the best answer for them and that is why I posted to get input. Trust me I do over pay at $300 weekly at only a $60, 000
Job and I pay for all the school and medical needs. That was because I thought we where goung to work it out and be back together but it hasn't happened yet because I was the only one trying. Thank you for your input though.
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