RE: [divorcesupport-513] North Carolina "Healthy Marriage Act" Pending Legislation

From: rick
Sent on: Monday, April 1, 2013 11:50 PM

Also Richard if you guys would do the research you would find that when divorce from bed and board compared to final divorces, that less than 40% go thought with the final process


From: [address removed] [mailto:[address removed]] On Behalf Of Richard
Sent: Monday, April 01,[masked]:23 PM
To: [address removed]
Subject: Re: [divorcesupport-513] North Carolina "Healthy Marriage Act" Pending Legislation


This topic is almost as charged as the 'abortion issue' with strong and deep feelings on both sides based in personal experience and spiritual beliefs. My personal opinion is that the 'Two-year' plan is just another attempt for government to get their hands on our personal lives. I have no bias again the 'One Year' waiting period as it gives both parties ample time to reconsider or to validate their decision. As 'adults' both parties should be able to either reconcile or hopefully come to agreeable terms during that time. However, that is a stretch of reality in most cases but I think the 90-Day term is misguided even if decisions are solidified during that period.

While it's relatively clear that in most cases, there is always one who is seeking the divorce and one who refutes it. Truth is that a divided house cannot stand no matter how much one wants to continue in what is for all practical purposes has expired. One alone cannot pull the emotional weight and frankly, it is not healthy to remain in a state of denial, hoping, wishing, believing that somehow something magical will occur and the former spouse will become enlightened return to their senses beg for forgiveness and return more devoted and loyal till 'death do us part'  After all, Sleepless in Seattle and When Harry met Sally' were just movies.

Truth is that 'denial' is a constant companion to those who have been 'left' and it sometimes does in fact take years to assimilate, heal, grow and develop

personal skill that produce self worth and self esteem by not allowing oneself to be discredited, disrespected, put down, criticized, insulted and humiliated. Staying in such a demeaning environment is not in my estimation loyal to scripture or sound mental health. There comes a time when one has to face the facts that a phase of life has ended. Then one must suffer, grieve and then move on. No one has ever claimed that it's easy. It sure as hell isn't!


On Mon, Apr 1, 2013 at 8:36 PM, Randy Cline <[address removed]> wrote:

State Senator Alston Allred of Hickory has just proposed legislation in Raleigh to extend the waiting period from one to two years before a divorce can be granted in NC. His motives, while quaint and well intentioned are just off the charts stupid. I have just sent him a letter, a copy of my response is below.

If you care to share your POV, please contact him at  :
[address removed]

My letter...


I learned today of your proposed legislation labeled the" Healthy Marriage Act" along with several of its key requirements and provisions. Sir, I cannot tell you how wrong you are, and how misguided I believe your intentions to be.
First, you seem to have the perception that initiating a divorce is the beginning of the end journey and that two years of different types of counseling may reconcile the marriage. As a man who divorced after a 26 year marriage, let me clarify to you that the divorce itself is the endpoint rather than the beginning, and is an absolute last resort when all other attempts have fallen short. There are a miniscule number of marriages that end without counseling, but my experience tells me that the great majority do go through structured counseling.
Second, the current one year waiting period is excruciatingly painful for both parties. During that one year holding pattern, most people are handicapped emotionally, financially, and in most cases, spiritually. Extending the wait time will only lead to greater frustrations for both spouses, increased uncertainty, greater economic burdens, as well as more opportunity for parent/child relationships to erode.
Third, this extended time period will cause undue economic hardship as greater animus develops between the spouses/children and the only benefactor will be the respective attorneys as their clients' fight harder and harder over small issues made large by the time.
Senator, please understand that I come to you with a great deal of personal experience and exposure to divorcing couples. I have first-hand experience with the subject... Do you? In addition, I have participated in and facilitated several DivorceCare groups. I currently lead a divorce support group of 700+ divorced people in Charlotte. I've seen a lot and have heard many people's personal stories. Never once in over 5 years of doing this, have I EVER heard one person state that they wished they could drag out a miserable situation another year.
In closing, I ask that you withdraw this poorly designed legislative proposal at once. In fact, I would encourage you to initiate legislation allowing the dissolution of marriages after a 90 day time period.
I would be happy to share additional information with you. Please feel free to contact me at any time.

Randy Cline
14802 Rolling Sky Drive
Charlotte, NC 28273
[address removed]

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