Single Parents - Divorced Adults Group Message Board › kids' birthdays

kids' birthdays

Kathy
user 13673857
Middleton, WI
Post #: 5
I have two teenage boys and my ex wants to change our current arrangement for their birthdays. Can others give me ideas on different arrangements that you have?
Optimistic C.
OptimisticChris
Madison, WI
Post #: 92
Hey K,
What is your current arrangement... if you don't mind sharing?
OC
Laura
user 6540411
Group Organizer
Madison, WI
Post #: 188
Agree, it would be good to know a little about your current arrangement. Also, what kind of relationship do you have with your ex?

My kids are 14 and 12 and we still have a "family" birthday celebration where mom, dad, kids and grandma get together for dinner at a restaurant (usually Outback Steakhouse), cake and family gifts. We even still do this for our own (mine and his) birthdays.

We discuss the gifts we will give and share the costs, and all of the gifts from parents come from both of us.

If the kids want to have a party with their friends, we share that, too. Last year I took my daughter and her friends to a movie then back to my place for pizza and cake. He took our son and a couple of friends for laser tag and a sleepover at his place.

Now my ex and I are very amicable, so I realize this would not be feasible in all situations. But it is very nice for the children not to have to feel subdivided on a day that should be all about them. And it's nice for us, too, in that we both get the share the day with our children.
Kathy
user 13673857
Middleton, WI
Post #: 6
Oh Laura, your arrangement is my dream that will never happen. My ex and I are far less than amicable (think extreme and it's not because of my lack of trying). The current arrangement is on anyone's birthday, the parent that does not have them gets them from 3-7pm. This way each parent sees the birthday boy on their birthday. When I got divorced five years ago and the kids were 7 and 11yr, this seemed fair on everyone's part. Now that they are 12 and 16yr, I'm not sure what to do. And school days complicated this. Just looking for insight...
A former member
Post #: 145
Ours are all younger, but the ex takes them out on the day of their birthday for dinner. It used to be a family thing, but he decided to make it a 1 on 1 thing this year (don't know his reasoning, but can't be bothered with what he is doing anymore). I have always been in charge of the parties with their friends and sometimes he pops in. Usually he does not.
A former member
Post #: 146
I should mention the parenting plan lists something different. In the event things go bad or one of us moves away, it is written so that he has the birthday for 2 of them on even years and the other 2 on odd years, I am the opposite of that.
Adam L.
user 13628645
Edgerton, WI
Post #: 11
Why does your ex want the change? Will the change be to an arrangement that works out better?
Ours (not set in place yet) w/ two boys is we alternate the years (one child one year and the other the following year). I am hoping to work out something different where we have them both and alternate the years. Makes no sense to separate them and their bdays are in the same month.

As far as amicable goes- I don't know how long since the divorce for you but I have been reading a book called "Helping Children Cope With Divorce" by Edward Teyber. And it has some really great information on scheduling and dealing w/ problems / lack of amicability. Hope it helps.
Adam L.
Kathy
user 13673857
Middleton, WI
Post #: 7
Thanks for the book tip. Just requested it through the library linkcat! After four yrs and counting, my ex is currently asking to change almost everything about placement including holidays, vacations and birthdays. Now comes mediation for the first time!
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