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Single Parents - Divorced Adults Group Message Board › Challenge: Say something good about your ex...

Challenge: Say something good about your ex...

A former member
Post #: 43
The next topic is going to have to be, say something good about your ex's ex. wink
A former member
Post #: 16
I love this question. I have no problem thinking of either, the positives or negatives.

My ex is very out-going, makes friends with nearly everyone and seems to make others feel at ease. A trait that I have always admired in others.

He also has a way of charming people into giving him deals, freebies and special treatment.

Most of all, he is a great father. He loves our boys and truly wants them to be healthy and happy. He is great at getting down and playing with them, giving completely to them of himself.

No matter what wrongs have been committed, I aim to remember his good qualities and see the 'real' person inside. In a strange way, this helps me to move on. I know that I had good reasons for both marrying and divorcing this man, so I have no regrets.
Steve M
user 12572727
Madison, WI
Post #: 5
Since I am early in the process, and because of the many things that have happened, this is an impossible question for me to answer. I am working on moving on with my life and releasing the anger, but I can truely thing of nothing positive about my soon to be ex.
A former member
Post #: 11
This is a hard one for me to answer too, without being tongue in cheek....He is a VERY good actor and can present himself to be a different person to different people. He's great at research- he will research you to find exactly the words you want/need to hear. Ok, like I said, tongue in cheek a bit, but in truth, he is really witty and has a great memory for detail.
A former member
Post #: 3
Just a few weeks after we started discussing separation and divorce, and when my wife was very angry and being quite critical of me (this despite her having purposefully distancing herself from me for the past 7 years), I decided to write her a letter of appreciation. To let her know that I was not overlooking all of the positives from our 32 year marriage. Here is what I sent to her:

I've been thinking about many of the things you've done over the years and wanted to express appreciation.

- You shouldered a huge load of raising our children, which was a tremendous workload.

- You taught them important skills, such as reading and cognitive skills.

- You instilled positive values and inspired them to ethical and moral.

- You have been a great example of positive values and hard work.

- You have always been kind and considerate of others.

- You tolerated, not always well but still more so than the huge majority of others would have, my messy tendencies.

- While you did not go on many trips with me, when you did go you were a lot of fun to be with. We had some great times.

- You were very loving to me for many years. You did push through a lot of disappointment for a long time.

- You took care of so many things around the house: Our pets, the laundry, the kitchen, cooking, vacuuming, the bathrooms, and on and on. Often thanklessly.

- You must have made 2000 trips to from the Oregon schools, ferrying our children, supporting them.

- You were very supportive of me during my early professional career, as I moved from job to job and eventually to Wisconsin.

- You set a great example of devotion to our church.

- You put much time into preserving memories, photo albums, scrapbooks, hanging photos on walls, distributing things to our daughters. This is very important within a family.

- You put significant effort into cutting expenses. Sewing, cooking, fixing things, not being demanding.

- You beautified our yard with gardens.

- You were a good friend to many, being kind and generous to others.

- You have always been a great support to your family.

- While we have not been there much for each other in recent years, you were there for me many times when I needed it during our early years.

- You have earned the respect and love of so of our friends. I see it when they speak of you.

- Our daughters have no doubt that they are loved.

There is much more. I wanted you to know that I have noticed these things and do truly appreciate them.
A former member
Post #: 24
Alan, that's beautiful. I hope your sentiments have grown over the years, and that she could say something similar about you.
A former member
Post #: 4
Alan, that's beautiful. I hope your sentiments have grown over the years, and that she could say something similar about you.

She did respond with a nice message listing 5 or 6 positive things about me.

Which was followed two weeks later by a long, nasty email that pretty much ripped me to shreds.

Alas ...
Sarah B.
user 13920847
Madison, WI
Post #: 1
This is a challenging question for me, too. My most recent ex is the father of my son but we were never married (I've been married twice previously but no children resulted from those relationships so I'm just focusing on my son's dad). My ex is really great at twisting the truth! But that's not a positive now is it?! In all seriousness my ex can be kind-hearted, is gentle and is intelligent. He is good at presenting well and impressing others.
Laura K
user 13667951
Madison, WI
Post #: 1
He helped me make a beautiful child.
Sarah B.
user 13920847
Madison, WI
Post #: 2
Good point, Laura. That is what I forgot to say! That's what keeps me totally bitter about the relationship!
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