The purpose of a Family Constellations workshop is to uncover what Bert Hellinger (the founder of Family Constellations) described as the Orders of Love, which are deeply embedded in the unconscious family group.
We all know there are certain things needed to keep plants and trees healthy and thriving. This is true too of families and all who are part of it. Bert Hellinger through working with several thousand family systems realised that disturbances to the order of love in previous generations inevitably affected the lives of both concurrent and future generations.
As with a tree, the trunk needs to be strong enough to support its branches. In a family the parents need to be strong enough to support their children and the children need be able to receive the love from their parents.
When this order is out of balance, a child has to grow up too fast and acts like the parent, or a parent never really grows up and acts like a child. These signs of a family system which is out of order can lead to many different emotions which can hinder the love to flow effectively within a family.
It can lead to consequences for family members that may last for many generations, affecting peoples' lives and limiting their potential in the world. It can result in repeated patterns of dysfunctional relationships or emotional distress.
I had the privilege of meeting an amazing family constellations trainer from the USA Mark Wolynn in March 2018 as he shared insights from his book "it didn't start with you"
Family constellations can highlight to us patterns that repeat in families and how we can become entangled in those. I would like to share some of Mark's work and recommend is very practical book ...
Extract from Mark Wolynn book: "it didn't start with you"
The history you share with your family begins before you are even conceived. In your earliest biological form as an unfertilized egg you already share a cellular environment with your mother and grandmother.
When your grandmother was five months pregnant with your mother, the precursor cell of the egg you developed from was already present in your mother's ovaries.
That means before you were even born, your mother, your grandmother, and the earliest traces of you were all in the same body - three generations sharing the same biological environment.
Your inception can be similarly traced in your paternal line. The precursor cells of the sperm you developed from were present in your father when he was a fetus in his mothers womb. Your father's sperm continue to multiple when he reaches puberty, where as your mother was born with her lifetime supply of eggs.
With that we can begin to map out how the biological residue of traumas your grandmother experienced can be passed down, with far-reaching consequences.
With this in mind imagine this scenario: A month before your mother is born, your grandmother receives the devastating new that her husband has been killed in an accident. With a new baby to prepare for, and little space to grieve the loss, your grandmother would likely submerge her emotions into the body she now shared with her daughter and grandchild. You and your mother would know something about that grief from a deep place inside you, a place all three of you share...
So maybe it did not start with you!
Family constellations can help us understand those feeling and situations that we can hold but sometimes don't make sense.
What effect can those patterns have?
The patterns from previous generations can often become embedded in the family behaviours and attitudes that they seem to be 'normal', even when they are destructive. They may be so intimately integrated into our view of who we are that we are unable to see an alternative way of living, loving and relating, and unable to break out of a cycle of behaviour that we no longer want.
Those patterns can affect
- relationships with your partner, spouse, or other intimate relationships
- your relationships with your parents and relatives
- your relationships with your children,
- work relationships
- work performance,
- social relationships,
- confidence and self esteem
If we don't recognise those patterns they can be difficult to change. If we recognise the pattern but are not aware of the dynamic that is causing the pattern, we are likely to go on repeating the pattern despite our attempts to change.
That can be both frustrating and exhausting.
The Constellations process can transforms real situations and impact the entire generational system - past, present and future.
Next Family constellations meet up will be posted to the group.
I want to acknowledge and thank Kate Brinly who started this meetup group and wish her well with her new business and ventures. Click here for more details (http://eachpersoncounts.org/)
It is your responsibility to disclose any physical or mental health issues that you have in order that we can see if this process is appropriate for you.
The Process of Family Constellations often involves intense emotional experiences. You need to accept full responsibility for your participation and processing. You are welcome to discuss with the facilitator prior to the workshop.
During a Family Constellation workshop strong emotions and some physical symptoms may be experienced for which you will need to take full responsibility, as we each process in different ways and rates. Participation may be therapeutic, educational and informative.
Please note -This process is not meant to replace, but to compliment any medical diagnosis or treatment programs in relieving the stresses in which these complaints thrive. If you are being treated by a medical or clinical registered practitioner, then they can accompany you in the workshop, free of charge, to provide any additional support (if you need it). It is your responsibility to disclose and discuss any concerns prior to, or on booking.
For those under medical supervision it is your responsibility to disclose and discuss your situation on or prior to booking.
Thank you and I hope to see you at the next family constellations group workshop!