This is a group dedicated to empowering and supporting men to be better versions of themselves, to make a bigger impact and get what they want in love, sex, and life. It is especially for men who identify as 'Nice Guys’ as defined by author and psychotherapist Dr. Robert Glover in his book No More Mr. Nice Guy.
Nice guys are people pleasers, always putting others first rather than getting their own needs met. That’s how they’ve been conditioned in life, to seek the approval of others and survive life by being just... nice! Giving to get, fixing, keeping the peace, avoiding conflict, seeking approval, hiding mistakes… the list goes on. That’s being 'Nice'. It’s ultimately unfulfilling and prevents us from being the fullest version of ourselves and giving our best to others. Who should join this group?
If you are you looking for a group of like-minded men where you can get to work on yourself and your Nice Guy-ness and have more of what you want in life, this is for you.
• Do you give in order to get?
• Do you avoid conflict and try to keep the peace?
• Do you try and get people to like you?
• Do you want to improve your relationships?
• Do you have more potential but you're just not achieving in life?
• Do you want stop people taking advantage of you?
• Do you want to bring more purpose and passion to your life?
If you are a man aged over 18 and answered 'yes' to one or more of these questions, this is the group for you.
We meet on a regular basis twice monthly and empower and support you to break out of your Nice Guy persona using the ideas and exercises in Dr. Glover's book as well as a range of other helpful and transformative tools.
As members of the No More Mr. Nice Guy UK Meetup group, we accept and undertake to uphold the following commitments.
What goes on in the group, stays in the group. Confidentiality is paramount in creating a safe space for men to share and express themselves. It is ok to share stories and breakthroughs you have heard in a group meeting with other people but it is not ok to divulge names or other details that could identify a member. We may share stories that inspire us, but we do not gossip to others about what we have heard in the group in a way that may be detrimental to that person or breach their confidentiality.
We are all 100 per cent responsible for our own well being in this group. If something feels off to you, for example, you feel upset, uncomfortable or triggered by what someone else has said or done within the group, you are responsible for those feelings and how you respond. Take responsibility for resolving the matter by raising it with the person. If that does not resolve the matter for you, raise it with the group organiser, Rowan Andrews. We encourage men to be responsible like this and not be victims by holding on to opinions and concerns or suffering in silence. We also encourage men to take responsibility for their actions within the group, how they show up in the group, how they listen and share etc.
We bring integrity to our interaction and engagement with the group. That means we are open and honest and do what we say we are going to do and we do things to the best of our ability. If you say will call someone at a given time, call them. If for any reason you are unable to fulfil a promise, let the person know in advance as soon as you know you cannot make it and re-commit to do it at another time. That is what we mean by integrity.
This is about the way we share and listen to our fellow members in the group. Both of these require presence. They are active, not passive activities. Listening requires us to give up whatever thoughts might be going on in our own heads so that we can be fully engaged in what the person is saying. This takes practice. It also requires an element of empathy, listening and appreciating the point of view of the person sharing even if we do not agree with what they say, we can appreciate why they might hold a certain view.
At one level we’re all different. At another, we’re all the same! We respect each member of the group whatever their background, ethnicity, sexuality, age, relationship status etc and we respect them whatever issues they may be dealing with and sharing about. We show our respect by listening and contributing to them with our listening, with our feedback and with our own sharing. We also respect that men share their truth, that which is true for them, even if what they say does not feel true to us.
We are all mirrors of each others' projections. Other men may trigger your unconscious behaviour patterns and beliefs. Our reactions can cause us to unconsciously project and impose on to the other our own experience, opinions and beliefs as if these are 'the truth'. We practice resisting this temptation and checking ourselves when we automatically find ourselves wanting to do that. We own our reactions and projections by revealing our triggers and taking responsibility for them.
If behaviours by any members of the group are not commensurate with these commitments, those members will removed from the group at the discretion of the organisers.