Is your heart broken? Lost? Stuck? People say you have to let go and move on in your life, but they don't tell you how.
There are some common myths about how to recover from grief:
- Time heals all wounds (if this were true, we wouldn't see people grieving losses from 10, 20, 30 years ago)
- Grieve alone (doesn't this compound the problem?)
- Keep busy (Distract yourself from pain and hope that it goes away? Just how exactly, do you stay busy 24 hours a day? This is a great way to run yourself into the ground, destroy relationships, cause health problems and STILL feel like a failure!)
- Don't feel bad (at least....[fill in the blank]). How exactly does one turn "off" their bad feelings? By the way, this is also a great way to seed addictions.
- Replace the loss (get a new puppy, partner, job - as if that erases the pain of losing someone or something you cared about)
- Be strong - yep, be strong out in the world (which apparently means don't show your sadness), but collapse at home. Doesn't seem like a very sustainable model, does it?
The Grief Recovery Method shows us a better way to heal from loss. We get to show up as fully human, talk about what was left incomplete from our losses, and finally make the emotional communications we needed to make back then. This allows us to let go of the pieces that are causing us pain (called unresolved grief), and embrace the good parts of the relationship. Sometimes those good parts never came, and so we properly grieve the hopes we had for a better future with someone, or a repair that now can't happen.
The Grief Recovery Method programs I run welcome people who have experienced any kind of loss: death, divorce, relationship endings, a change in financial or physical health status, moving, graduation, marriage, birth of first child, empty nest, retirement, loss of trust, safety, faith or control, or a loss of a hope for a future that never materialized. The losses might be different, but what we've been taught about how to manage grief is pretty similar and unhelpful. Likewise, the solution is also similar. We need to just be heard in our true feelings, and to be able to apologize, forgive or express some undelivered emotional communications to a person who can hear us without criticism, analysis, commentary or advice. Our goal is to become complete with a relationship where there were things we wish had been more/better/different, so that we can reclaim joy, optimism and inner peace.
This meetup is a place for people to start to learn about a better way to recover from loss, and to find support, no matter what they are grieving or what their grief looks and feels like. I'm brainstorming ideas for us to connect outside of the 8-week groups I run. If you have ideas or requests, I'd love to hear them!