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The Benefits of a Polyamorous Relationship

The Benefits of a Polyamorous Relationship

Relieving Pressure of Meeting Needs

When you allow for more partners, you are able to enjoy the qualities of several people that, together, are able to meet a much greater percentage of your interpersonal needs. This has the advantage of "taking the heat" off of single partner relationships to provide what a partner is not able to provide. No two people are exactly alike, or share the exact same interests. Polyamory allows you to have people that you care about that share different interests and can meet different needs. These needs can be simple interests, or more complex: perhaps one partner wants children, while another does not. Polyamory allows the first partner to have children with another person, so that the desire to be a parent does not interfere with the first loving relationship.

On the flip side of having all of your partner's needs met, is of course the comfort of knowing that your own needs will be met as well.

Deeper Non-sexual Friendships

Have you ever seen a relationship (either your own, or someone else's) where one partner was jealous of a deep, non-sexual friendship that the other partner had? It is not uncommon for a partner in a conventional relationship to be jealous of these deeply emotional friendships. A feeling of insecurity arises at the thought of a partner being so close to another person, and jealousy is often felt over the time spent with that friend. In many conventional relationships, these types of friendship are frowned upon because they are close enough to warrant a sexual relationship, which is a natural human expression of such emotion. However, just because someone has a close emotional relationship with someone, does not mean that they have to have sex, and that is what many "monogamous-minded" people don't always realize.

Polyamory does not necessarily mean you have to have sexual relationships, it also allows you to develop these kinds of deep friendships with people without fear of your significant other (S.O.) getting jealous. A polyamorous relationship is not something that everyone can be successful at, but if people could learn to handle a monogamous relationship in such a way as to allow your S.O. to have the deep emotional friendships, and at least have someone to fulfill their NON-sexual needs, monogamy would be much more successful.

Keeps the Love Alive

How often have you heard someone say that they miss that "in love" feeling? That when their marriage/relationship was new, it was more "alive". People long for the "sparks" that they remember. In poly discussion groups, we call this NRE* (*new relationship energy/excitement). NRE is partially the effort that we make in a new relationship to prove to our partner that we are "special"? that we are "the one". In many relationships, once the relationship becomes settled, we can get lost in familiarity, and caught up in the monotonous schedules of daily life. No matter how much we may love that person, we forget to show how special we are, or to show our partner how much we love them. So how does Polyamory help that? As strange as it may seem to some people, when you are in a new relationship, or your lover is in a new relationship and you discuss it with each other, you are reminded of all the little things you did to romance one another. You remember what it was like to be constantly trying to keep a new lover's attention, the things you did to show your interest and prove you were "the one". When love is involved, you find yourself not only practicing those niceties with your new lover, but with your old as well? and when you discuss it with them, and they remember, they begin to do the same. The new relationship is fun, and manages to bring new life to the old relationship in the process.

New and Unusual Friendships

One of the best benefits is the opportunity for a new and unusual friendship. Getting to know your partner's new lover, and forming a friendship with them if they are comfortable with that. It is not everyday that you have a friend that you can be truly candid with about aspects of your own relationship. Being in love with the same person consensually and unconditionally forms an unusual bond between two people that is indescribable.

*Definitions modified and used from "Loving More" and various informational publications

Famous polyamorous people

* Simone de Beauvoir, Jean-Paul Sartre, and Olga Kosakiewicz
* William Wilkie Collins
* William Marston, Elizabeth Marston, and Olive Byrne
* Percy Shelley
* Eric S. Raymond
* Amelia Earhart
* Robert A. Heinlein
* Emma Goldman
* Vita Sackville-West and Harold Nicolson

Table of Contents

Page title Most recent update Last edited by
Tips for Safe Online Dating December 5, 2012 10:37 AM Deborah
But What About The Children? March 6, 2009 7:31 PM Deborah
Raising Kids Poly - an eye opening experience March 6, 2009 4:58 PM Deborah
Thinking about Children March 6, 2009 4:45 PM Deborah
Condom Compact January 4, 2013 5:48 PM Deborah
Books on Polyamory January 24, 2009 10:29 AM Deborah
A crazy little thing called.....Compersion October 3, 2008 7:42 PM Deborah
Polyamory Language September 28, 2008 3:27 PM Deborah
Polyamory - What it isn't (Part 2) September 28, 2008 1:28 PM Deborah
Polyamory - What it is (Part 1) September 28, 2008 1:29 PM Deborah
My lover just told me he or she wants other lovers June 22, 2008 9:36 PM Deborah
Coming Clean June 22, 2008 9:07 PM Deborah

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