What we’re about
Hello everyone my name is Antoinette I started this group because in 2009 I got involved with an abusive man that I ended up marrying. I want to share my story and experiences with other women out there who are or could be in the same situation I once was in. My goal is to support and help as many women as I possible can If I only reach one woman to understand the dangers of an abusive relationship and from the devastating effects abuse of any form can have on a woman ( I myself know this only too well) then I have accomplished something worth doing. Abuse ladies comes in many forms abusive men are also known as sociopath- narcissistic- antisocial sociopath) antisocial sociopath is what my ex- husband was actually diagnosed with when he was sent to prison. I would like everyone to bear in mind that regardless of what problems these men may have there is no excuse in anyway shape or form for their behavior or to abuse or mistreat another person in fact statistics have shown these men know exactly what they are doing and to who they are doing it to also that they are not capable of empathy or remorse statistics have proven that a very small- very small I empathize here percentage of abusive men change please keep that in mind.I have been through extensive therapy and still attend therapy once a week I have researched and read numerous books on abuse all kinds of abuse I have attended Many domestic violence meetings and groups I was asked to speak at a domestic violence benefit back in 2012- I will post my speech on the site- I do this because one it helps me to understand things on a different level regarding domestic violence , myself and the behavior of the abuser . SECOND it gives me the information and knowledge I need to help myself and other woman before it could possibly be to late. I had another group located in Brooklyn before starting this one that actually went extremely well but I had gotten sick for a little while and had to closed that group because I wasn't well enough to keep up with it. I have a GREAT amount of compassion-understanding and an anonymous passion to reach as many women as I can to help them realize abusive relationships are not normal or healthy in fact they are extremely dangerous not only just on a physical level but financially -Verbally and can be extremely emotionally devastating to the point where our self-worth and self-esteem are almost nonexistent everything I write here is because I have been through it and without support and the right people in your life it can be extremely hard to overcome it's sad to say but the truth is some people may never overcome what they have been through but with support and the right people and knowledge we can heal. it has been my experience that only people who have been through the same situation can really feel and understand our pain I remember I had two women in my last group one woman said to me he doesn't really abuse me he just hits me once in a while and calls me names another woman said and this is the woman I asked to leave my group said that it was okay for men to behave verbally or abusive because that's how she grew up and what her parents did and that it was excepted back then I do not agree with this at all please don't get me wrong I was not being mean or un sympathetic the woman I'm talking about is actually a friend of mine I tried to make her realize that this is not acceptable and that no one has the right to mistreat anyone then or now so I simply said if this is your beliefs on this matter that it would be better if she didn't attend the group just for the fact that I did not want any woman or anyone to think that abuse is acceptable or okay She actually understood we are still friends but unfortunately she thinks it's okay for men as she puts it to get a little crazy and I believe for this reason she is not able to have a healthy stable relationships for long periods at a time I will always be there for her and love her very much I have faith that one day she will get it right I also might add that at times I let her know that she is welcome to attend the group to listen and learn. My story goes something like this and I'm sure a lot of women can relate I met my ex-husband Jeffrey in early 2009 Jeffrey was loving understanding very giving very caring told me all the things I wanted to hear At the time when I met Jeffrey I had just recently come out of a relationship it wasn't an abusive relationship just that the gentleman I was with who was actually a very good man had gotten caught up with drugs wouldn't get help and I didn't want to be in that type of relationship that type of relationship isnt abusive but it is however dysfunctional in my opinion okay back to Jeffrey it was only a few months before Jeffrey's true colors came through it kind of started very saddle almost as if you wouldn't notice it But I saw it from the start. at that time because of my own insecurities and self-esteem I chose to ignore it and pretend nothing was wrong so what started with verbal abuse neglect disrespect eventually ended in physical abuse I was verbally abused almost on a daily basis with some of the most cruel hurtful words I have ever heard if Jeffrey didn't get what he wanted or if you didn't act the way he thought you should be he became very angry and aggressive I should mention I hid Jeffrey and our relationship from my family for most of the time we were together why you might say? for one because I knew he was an abusive man But at that time I believed I loved him and didn't want anyone to say why don't you leave him get away from him I had so many insecurities and my self-esteem you couldn't pick up with a shovel that in my head I thought it was better to be with him because my mind was telling me who would want you Antoinette as time went on the abuse got worse and worse verbal abuse constantly physical abuse to the point of a blackeye a dislocated shoulder many bruises lifting the mattress in the air while I was sleeping and throwing me off the bed hitting the dresser against the wall which has now cost me several herniated disc standing and arguing with him one day he grabbed my feet well my ankles which caused me to land on my back and hit my head and causing more injuries now to my neck I remember for some reason a particular time that stands out in my head Jeffrey and I had just gotten married it was only two weeks after our marriage we had a huge fight and I threw him out and he went to stay in a hotel I found out months later he actually had an affair with a prostitute in that hotel I didn't know that at the time I took him back I let him came back home and and he wanted to have sex So we had sex in the Middle of sex he decided to grab me and push me half out the window naked calling me a whore telling me I like it let everyone see the whore u are this was Jeffrey's way of humiliating me and getting back at me for throwing him out Jeffrey as most abusive man are extremely manipulating not to mention they can be very charming and that is how they are able to get you to want them even more manipulating abusive men tend to look for vulnerable weak insecure unstable women they are on the prowl for easy prey I'm sure some of you must be saying why would I put up with something like this but ladies and I'm sure a lot of you know there are many many reasons why women put up with abuse And one of the reasons for this group is to bring out the points of why we put up with abuse recognize them understand the reasoning and put ourselves on a journey to healing there is more to my story and yes with a happy ending that I will talk about in our group meetings also this doesn't have to only be in groups one on one meetings are also available for women who are not comfortable yet talking in groups. For me the first step in recognizing abuse was to admit there was abuse and to believe that I am worth more then to be mistreated and to reach out for help and support