Beyond the Swipe: What Can Behavioural Science Teach Us About Modern Dating?
Details
With Valentine's Day on the horizon, our February meetup dives into the question that keeps many singles up at night: why is modern dating so difficult? Are people making the same predictable mistakes—swiping endlessly through apps, agonizing over whether there's really a "spark", and wondering if the perfect person is just one more profile away? True to form for the Big Ideas Book Club, we won't settle for platitudes and pop psychology! Instead, we will dig into the behavioural science behind romantic choices. Can understanding our cognitive biases and cultural narratives help us make better dating decisions and find lasting love, or is it all just a matter of numbers and luck?
So join us to discuss the surprising psychology behind dating decisions, debate whether you’re secretly a "Romanticizer", "Maximizer" or "Hesitater", and discover why the best relationships might be built rather than discovered. Everyone is welcome—whether you're single, dating, partnered, or just fascinated by human behaviour.
Book: How to Not Die Alone – The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love (2021) by Logan Ury
In our book this month, Logan Ury offers a practical, science-backed guide to modern dating that helps readers overcome self-sabotaging patterns and find lasting love through what the author calls ‘intentional love’. Drawing on her background as a Harvard-trained behavioural scientist and her role as Director of Relationship Science at Hinge, Ury argues that great relationships are built through deliberate choices rather than discovered by chance. She provides readers with tools to identify their dating blind spots, recognize what truly matters in a long-term partner beyond superficial qualities, and navigate the overwhelming landscape of modern dating—from dealing with too many online options to overcoming the tendency to endlessly search for someone "better."
The book offers actionable strategies for each stage of the relationship journey, from getting ready to date to deciding whether to commit, all while emphasizing that successful relationships require effort, self-awareness, and a willingness to work through challenges rather than giving up when things aren't perfect.
As always, we strongly encourage you to read the book before attending—it will enrich both your experience and our collective discussion. We've also included links below to interviews and podcasts with Logan that explore her research and ideas.
Join us for a drink (and optional meal) at 6:30pm on Monday, 2nd February, on the 2nd floor of the Keg & Brew Hotel in Surrey Hills (two flights up). The venue is conveniently located near Central Station and the Light Rail.
We look forward to seeing you there!
P.S. Please adjust your RSVP if you have indicated that you will come but are no longer able to do so. This is courteous to other people if there is a waitlist.
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These are just optional links to consider. Feel free to pass on other useful links in the discussion section.
Audio-Visual
- Podcasts with Logan Ury:
How to Not Die Alone - Chris Williamson interview (1.1 hrs)
How to Make Dating Not Suck (40 mins)
Unlock the Secret to Building Strong Relationships (2 hrs)
How to Not Die Alone – Eli Finkel (1hr)
- Netflix: The Later Daters (2024) - Logan serves as the dating coach helping singles over 55 find love (8 episodes)
Written
- Summaries of the book:
Eric Sandroni Summary
Triple J Article
- YouGov Australia survey articles on dating:
Which dating app’s best for Aussies looking for a fling vs life partner?
Why are some singles in Australia hesitant about dating apps?
What Aussies want in a romantic partner
- Hinge and eHarmony Dating Research Reports:
Hinge Research and Advice
eHarmony Research and Advice
- Some evidence favouring meeting IRL over online:
Couples who meet online less happy in love
- The 2025 Dating Trends Wrapped:
Bumble’s 2025 Global dating Trends
Tinder’s Year in Swipe 2025
How love, sex and AI converged in a pivotal year.