Keep Connected Podcast

Episode 32: Becoming a Proactive Introvert

Guest Gerald Soriano chats with CEO David Siegel about spreading the aloha spirit through Meetup. Learn how to make friends and professional connections when you move to a new city.

By David Siegel, Meetup CEO

Reviewed by Mary Garcia

Gerald Soriano grew up in Hawaii, then lived in Milwaukee, Cleveland, and the Bay Area. Everywhere he’s gone, Meetup has played an important role in his story. From helping him land a pivotal internship to making lifelong friendships, Meetup became a constant in Gerald’s life. These days, he’s using the platform as a leadership opportunity through co-organizing the AR/VR Creators Meetup group. Gerald chats with David about spreading the aloha spirit through Meetup, how to pinpoint and pursue your own reason for being, and why you should keep smiling through these difficult times.

Ranked as one of the top 25 CEO podcasts on Feedspot, Keep Connected with Meetup CEO David Siegel is a podcast about the power of community. For more details on other episodes, visit Keep Connected on the Meetup Community Matters blog.

We hope you’ll keep connected with us. Drop us a line at podcast@meetup.com. If you like the podcast, be sure to subscribe and leave us a rating on Apple Podcasts.

Becoming a Proactive Introvert

Before we get into this episode, I have something important to share. Check out my new book, Decide and Conquer, to get to know my story at Meetup. The hardest thing about community leadership is making tough decisions when the stakes are high and they were never higher than when Meetup was owned and sold by WeWork.

In my new book, Decide and Conquer. I will walk you through a counter-intuitive framework for decision-making and the epic journey of Meetup’s surprising survival. Good leaders deliberate. Great leaders decide. Now decide and conquer by pre-ordering my book by going to DecideAndConquerBook.com or anywhere books are sold. Thank you.

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In this episode, we are talking to the one, the only Gerald Soriano, a Meetup member, co-organizer of the Meetup group, Augmented Reality/Virtual Reality Creators so much more than that. A little bit of a spoiler alert, you are going to learn some Hawaiian and some Japanese, Ohana, Aloha, ikigai. Gerald, welcome to the show.

Thank you for having me.

Gerald has been on the Grand Meetup Tour. We are talking about starting off in Hawaii and then going to college in Milwaukee and then Cleveland. He is now living in the Bay Area. In each city, Meetup has played a role in his life. He is now the co-organizer of the Augmented Reality/Virtual Reality group. He reached out to us because he happened to like what we were doing. Only a few weeks later, he is on the podcast itself. For all these people who are reading, to keep connecting, you want to be a guest on the show. Why did you reach out? What compelled you to do that?

It was weird. It happened on one day in January 2022. I was looking at my phone and I got a Meetup notification from the app. It said, “Meetup has a podcast. There is a new episode that came out.” It was episode 28, which I believe was titled Excelling Socially as an Introvert with Daniel Findlay. That captured my attention because there is something in the title, excelling socially and introvertness.

It resonated with me already from that notification. I was like, “I need to drop everything I’m doing. Take a screenshot of this, share it on social media and start reading. From there, I got inspired. It naturally allowed me to write this email that I titled, The Sign That Led Me to Reach Out to You Folks and here we are now.

Thank you again for having reached out.

Thank you for responding back to me. It was an overwhelming positivity from all sides of the team. I appreciate that.

It tells you, when you take action on things that you are interested in, good things end up happening.

Establish a nice sense of community and have good friends.

During this given time, it is sensitive. I feel like there should be more positive news around the world and I’m a generally optimistic person. I want to share that I’m grateful for your impact on my life. I want to share my story. Hopefully, that makes someone’s day or puts a smile on someone’s face because that is all I want to be. A person that makes people happy as well.

You are making me very happy. I have a huge smile. Let’s talk about the Meetup experience, starting in Hawaii, going to Milwaukee, Cleveland and the Bay Area. Walk us through the different experiences you have had, how you learn from them, the challenges and opportunities.

I moved around to different places in the United States.

You grew up in Hawaii and you moved to Milwaukee. What brought you to Milwaukee? How was that experience?

What brought me to Milwaukee, Wisconsin was my goal is to study Software Engineering, which unfortunately was not a major that was offered in Hawaii. Milwaukee, Wisconsin has a college there. Milwaukee School of Engineering broke the barriers of the intimidation factor that I had going into college and applying. Milwaukee, Wisconsin seemed like a friendly college all the way up from the college ambassadors and my college counselor at the time.

You knew no one. There are not many people from Hawaii going to Milwaukee. The weather is not quite as good as Hawaii weather.

There was a culture shock.

How did you hear about Meetup when you were in Milwaukee? What happened? What led you to that?

Being software engineers, we are exposed to different types of software. We are always on our laptops but there is always a sense of community for people like us and college students as well. These were the early days of Slack. There was a Slack group for the Milwaukee area for anyone including students and professionals in the industry.

This Slack group was run by a Meetup group called MilwaukeeJS. That was the first catalyst for me and gateway into the Meetup world because this Slack group was a community that existed virtually like, AIM and AOL. They posted something about MilwaukeeJS and the Meetup group. It said, “We are an event and it is open to anyone.” Seeing that call to action and saying, “It is open to anyone.” I’m like, “I’m free during that time. What is stopping me from going out there and attending this first Meetup event ever in life?”

You can be anyone. What happened in the first event? What happened to subsequent events in Milwaukee?”

KCM 32 | Proactive Introvert — Decide & Conquer: 44 Decisions That Make or Break All Leaders

It was a technical topic but I was excited about it because it involved industry representatives. It was being held at a company’s office space where they are known for their software, products, and whatnot. As a sophomore during that time in college, I knew that this was something that I could not pass up. I should get my feet wet and put myself out there. This first meeting was highly technical. There is a topic I was not familiar with but I had a general abstract background and experience with it. I sat there as a shy young college student. It was my first time and I did not know what to do.

Are there any other college students there?

I honestly do not think there were any other college students.

We are constantly trying to encourage college students to come to Meetup events. We made becoming a Meetup organizer for college students, any of the .edu is free because we think it is such a good application for college students and college student organizers. You went even though there were not many other college students there. Do you have any thoughts on why college students are reluctant to go or should go?

College students are college students, first and foremost. Their priority is like, “I have to go to class, do my homework, study for the quizzes and exams.” If their schedules are busy, I could see why they won’t be too adamant to enter the Meetup world. Secondly, maybe they are shy or reserved. For me, as an engineer sometimes we tend to be introverted.

I’m introverted by nature but I get positive reinforcement from the people around me and the environment. It is a personal thing. If you do not have someone that tells you, “There is this thing called Meetup. You should join.” Support system and that comradery to nudge you there because you are busy with your main priorities. That is when you would never know that something like Meetup exists.

College students tend to be focused on campus activities. I went to school in Philadelphia and I remember seeing some students. They never ventured into Central Philadelphia, even though it was a 10 to 15-minute walk from our campus. That is unfortunate because college campuses are in the middle oftentimes of amazing cities and taking advantage of what is in a city. Sometimes the seniors are like, “I did not realize how great Philadelphia and Milwaukee was.” It is such frustration but I get why that is the case?

I’m glad you say that because it all resonated with me as well because after I joined Meetup, I said l, “There is more to Milwaukee than my two-by-two block college, which was in the heart of downtown. It was five minutes walking away to that Meetup event and even more others around as well. That inspired me to be like, “Guys, you should go check out Meetup.” That is when it spread like wildfire. I was like, “Everybody should check this out. No one told me but I want to be that person to tell you because I do not want you to miss out.”

Did you get an internship or something like that from Meetup? Tell us about that?

Find the same people with the same passions.

The first Meetup event I was at was held at the office of the company where I became an intern. I interfaced with my future teammates there as well. I was able to talk to one of my managers at a Meetup event. I did not know they were hiring at the time and when I was looking for a job because I tried to prepare myself early for my eventual career outside of college as a full-fledged software engineer. That is when I realized, “This company is hiring. I know this company because I have been to their offices. I know how to go there if I were to get going to go through an interview.” It worked out. The stars aligned, if that made sense.

We are hiring too. Let’s talk afterward. Not just Meetup events, Meetup podcast, you could get a job too. Who would have to think it? Let’s talk about the next stage, Cleveland or the Bay Area. Do you have anything else you want to share about those experiences?

It kept being a constant in my life. Meetup was always something that I had always been able to go back to or would always come back to me in my life. It was a nice lake reciprocal relationship. I moved to Cleveland, Ohio. I uprooted my life. Coming from Hawaii, I have a sense of ohana. I want to make an ohana, establish a nice sense of community, have good friends and people that are lifelong friends, which I still do. Thanks to Meetup for having that positive mindset.

In Cleveland, there was a couple there and it naturally came about because little did I know, Progressive Insurance, the company that I worked for, the first one outside the college, hosted a Meetup event. There was another Meetup event catered to my personal workflow of working on mobile apps, specifically iOS, where our technical app owner and our architect lead at the time pitched that as well like, “Our coworkers and friends, if you are free during this time, there is a Meetup event in another area.”

I’m like, “Meetup is everywhere. Anywhere I will go, Meetup is going to be there.” In 2020, I decided to move closer to home, Hawaii and go to the Bay Area. That was the best move for me. I moved during the middle of the pandemic. I’m happy that our existing virtually as well because then, my community is community at large. I can interact with people not in a local area now with Meetup but globally around the world.

You decided to become a co-organizer of the AR/VR group. Tell us about that process a little bit. Tell us about when your thinking is. Have you had an event yet or multiple events? Share with us a little more there?

This isn’t my first rodeo. Back in Milwaukee, Milwaukee VR was my first actual co-organizer type of role but coming here getting back to the Meetup platform, it happened naturally. I’m like, “I have experience. Let me see if I can help these people out because I can see that they have activity but there aren’t as many people attending.” I’m like, “I want to help that out. I want to help grow it as well.”

I used a messaging system like the Slack app and messaged one of the main organizers there. He again was willing and he was like, “Let’s meet and have a phone call.” I did not expect what was going to happen. We finally met. We were talking, sharing their ideas and whatnot. It was like, “I’m finding the same people with the same tech passions.”

We are naturally talking without even feeling nervous anymore because we are sharing the same ideas and we are bouncing off. Everything is like, “Maybe you can do this. Maybe you can get through that.” I’m like, “Okay.” He was like, “I will add you like, as a co-organizer after our call.” I’m like, “I do not have to do anything else.” It was just a phone call and we shared ideas. We were all passionate and excited. The pace of our voice was getting fast. It is like, “Let’s stop this call and start doing stuff.”

He gave me things that I could do. Maybe a call to the speakers and to see anyone in my network willing to come in and talk during our series of events. Michael, shout out to him, one of the main organizers for being willing to talk to me and sharing me the co-organizer to the AR VR group based in Oakland, California. If anyone is interested, check us out, AR/VR Creators, on Meetup.com. We are willing to have you.

It is great that you are a co-organizer now. Tell us a little bit more about why you became one and why you continue to do co-organizing now as well.

When I think back at Progressive Insurance someone like a manager in a different department shared this concept with me, a Japanese concept, which is the reason for being called ikigai. It is like a Venn diagram of three different areas that are mainly aligning the sweet spots of your passion, what you love and your mission.

If you look at this like the Venn diagram, ikigai, in retrospect, in the big picture, if you are able to hit all these areas of your love, your passion and your mission, that is something that you should pursue. I saw looking back now and reflecting in my Meetup experiences that being a co-organizer, going to Meetup hit all of these different areas. I’m like, “The reason for being is the reason for me to keep involving myself in the community and help nourishing that, cultivating that, starting something up, making sure a legacy is there but also spreading the aloha to everyone that I have the fortune to expose myself to.” It is a way of giving back and a reason for me for being. That is how I sum it up.

For people who do not know about ikigai, I encourage you to go online. I am sure there are different tools and tests out there. My wife is an executive coach and talks about ikigai many times with her coaching clients, around the intersection of those three overlapping circles and the reason for being. I feel like my ikigai is running Meetup. I am the luckiest person to have that opportunity. It is a beautiful concept. Thank you for sharing that.

Someone who describes themselves like you as an introvert and yet, you are so proactive in reaching out to me and in this show, to Michael for the AR/VR group, to go into an event when you are the only college student going, to build a relationship for an internship. I’m not saying it is opposites necessary to be introverted and proactive but oftentimes it is harder for people who are more introverted to be as proactive communicators as you are. Are you sure you are an introvert?

You should focus on the single positive experiences which involve the people in your life.

Maybe I started as an introvert but now that I’m older, I should probably retake those tests. To be honest with you, I took that sixteen personalities test after reconnecting with a long-time friend from Hawaii, who I have not talked to in years. He was like, “You should take this test again.” I got the leader personality. I was like, “That makes a lot of sense.”

You are a leader personality. A leader is someone who wants to be a positive influence on others, who wants to help others, who wants to help people to become the people that they want to become and that is what you are doing in your Meetup group, in your life, etc. You said you talked to a person with who you had a connection for a while.

We all have one-time conversations and we never talk to the person again. That is always someone unfortunate especially if it is this amazing, mind melt talking fast conversation. Those are always awesome but it seems like you are pretty decent at keeping in touch with people and maintaining connections over time. That is not an easy thing to do. Do you have any rubric or advice for how do you build and maintain connections over time? I’d love to hear it.

Because we are fortunate to live in the digital world, it is being resourceful, using those tools and spinning in, in a way where it is has a positive connotation because so many times we see everything on our computers and screens where it is negative. You should focus on the single positive experiences which involve the people in your life. Remember that they are living in the same world. We are living in tough times. As I alluded to you before, we should focus more on the positive stuff and reach out. You would be surprised what stories, your connections, your friends and your family are waiting to share with you.

It takes you to take the leap and say, “Hey.” Where they are going to be like, “Let’s continue where we left off. It is to be continued. It is another chapter in the book of our lives.” I’m ready to read the book again. I’m like, “After a break, I’m still here for you. We are still here to hit together. We have history and history can still continue to be written. It will never be forgotten because it was already there.”

Do you ever feel uncomfortable reaching out to someone who you have not spoken to in a while even though you have this together? That is what keeps people back sometimes.

What helps me feel more comfortable is when they share something that has a relation and that connection with the both of us. It’s like, “We know what that is. We have a past history with that X subject.” Whether it be someone who posted an Instagram story, I’m like, “I know what that is. Where did you eat this food? Are you in the area?” Those little signs and those little be like, “Your friend popped up in your life again. Maybe you should do something about it.” It is like, “Are you willing to reestablish that connection again?” I’m going to recommend all the readers to be like, “Do not think about it, just do it.”

It seems like you almost have this mini filing cabinet in your head of all these people that you have had connections with. Maybe you will hear a song, go to a restaurant, do something interesting. From an engineering or tech perspective, you are seeing something and you will be like, “This person I have not spoken to in a couple of years, they would be interested in that.” It is the filing cabinet that you keep over there. It helps.

I’m going to steal that from you because I never ever thought of it that way. I’m like, “That makes sense.” It is a good reference point for me to recall. I used to reach in there and be like, “Here is the file for my friend.”

You have met many Meetup organizers. You have been an organizer. Tell me about the collaboration that exists between Meetup organizers. The reason I say this is because many organizers oftentimes feel like they are on their own but in reality, you are part of a community. As part of a community, you have the ability to reach out and build relationships with others, for speakers, for events or for getting advice. It seems like you have done some of that in the past. Share a little bit about that with people because people could learn from that too.

It happens naturally. You have these conversations with others in the community that are willing to talk to you as if you are a close friend of theirs because you share already so much in common. That is already established because you have the medium of Meetup, where it is that ice has broken already. What else can we talk about? What else excites you? What else excites me? That is one of the common questions people ask in these types of events. What excites you? What are you passionate about?

People are more curious about you instead of you being curious about them. They usually make that leap first for you and it helps you out and then you are like, “The barriers are broken. The door is left open.” Like that one famous song that has been trendy. If you take the step in there, you will realize a whole new world that you have never ever been to before you are on the outside.

Any last advice you would have for college students, specifically, of things to focus on when they are in college or how the community can be helpful for them? Do you have any advice you would give back to that day?

For me, to be efficient, I will recommend anyone college student as well, browse Meetup.com, search for any of your interests, such as photography and you are bound to find a Meetup group about one or many of your interests. There is that saying, “There has to be an app for that. Guess what? There is a Meetup group for that as well.”

Reconnect with others, wherever you are, whatever age you are, and whatever point you are in your life.

Start with one Meetup event, experiment and experience it for all it has to offer. Keep an open mind and an open heart. Let yourself be inspired because you will be surprised what a social event like this can teach you about yourself, your interests and others. You are not alone in this world. You live in a world, survive, live happily and live life to the fullest with others around you. Do not neglect that. If you feel lonely, I felt lonely, I found Meetup.com and I’m never lonely anymore again. There are people like myself that I could involve myself with, live life together with everyone and have happy memories. We need more of that.

Gerald, your parents did an amazing job. I want to meet them someday. They must be positive, exceptional, ohana-oriented type people. Kudos to them. Hopefully, your family can read this blog post and you will share it with them as well.

I will be seeing them in March 2022. I will relay the message personally.

Do you have your own show? Has it started yet? What is going on there?

I have the socials and I have the framework there but the podcast is titled The Ohana. It is my way of giving back to the people in my life. It is going to be a series of conversations with the people that have entered my life and become a part of my ohana.

That is going to be great. Please do not forget. I know you do not because you are great at maintaining connections. Send me a link to the show when we get a chance.

We will do that. Thank you so much.

For those of you who do not know when Gerald refers to Ohana, Ohana is a Hawaiian word and it refers to a person’s extended family. It refers to whether it’s friends or social groups. It is a beautiful word that I’m not sure many people know about. Can you talk about the concept of ohana a little bit in Hawaii or what that means to people?

That word is not a strict club definition. It is inclusive and anyone can be part of your ohana. The funny thing is if you go to Hawaii and you hear people calling each other uncles and aunties, like extended family, it is a natural thing. If you go outside of that, people are off-put, like, “I’m not your uncle or your auntie.” That is Hawaii because it is such a cultural mixing pot that involves everybody from different backgrounds. The sense of ohana is a Hawaii thing. It is not just the Hawaii thing because anywhere you go, you can develop a sense of ohana. You can have these friendships that, in turn, you think of them immediately as your family.

That is the goal of Meetup. I think we should need to change our name to ohana. I do not know but it is a beautiful concept. Many people do not know about it. I wanted to hit on. I’m glad you started talking about it. We are going to have some rapid-fire questions, super quick, 10 to 15-second answers. Here we go. The first time you saw yourself as a leader, Gerald.

It was back in college

Doing what?

Doing Meetup stuff and being co-organizer.

If you could access a time machine, go anywhere you want, any time you want, where are you going?

It all ends up with my family. If I could do it all over again, I would say, “Bite the bullet, buy that plane ticket back home and visit your family because they miss you. I miss them as well.” Having more of that time with them when I was a little bit younger during my college days would have been appreciated for me.

That is important and helpful especially during college times when people feel so removed in the habit of their parent’s homes and even if they did not love being at the parent’s home. They felt disconnected from their parents. There is something very meaningful. My oldest son is 6,000 miles away from college in Israel. We are going to be visiting him again. It is hard for him to come back but we are all visiting him three times, about 7 or 8-month time period.

It was the same way for me. It is important.

Named something on your bucket list.

This is funny because, being from Hawaii, I’m such a bad resident and local. I have not done this yet but my bucket list is this summer 2022 because I’m in the Bay Area and the environment is right for it. I will finally learn how to surf.

The last question is, you shared so much about positivity, community, ohana and family. What do you most want to be remembered by?

The person that taught me to be happy, keep smiling, always develop a sense of ohana and to reconnect with others, wherever you are, whatever age you are and whatever point you are in your life.

I have no doubt you are already doing it. You are going to continue to do it. Kudos to you again for reaching out to us and saying, “I appreciate you connected. I appreciate Meetup. I want to tell you my story. It is a beautiful story. It is only going to continue to be more beautiful as time goes on.” Thank you, Gerald so much.

Thank you so much for having me. I had fun and I hope everyone else does as well reading this episode. Thank you.

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Thanks for reading this episode. Gerald, what a special person going from introvert to extrovert to a leader. Some of the things that I love that he said is positivity-focused, number one. The filing cabinet that he uses to stay in touch and keep in touch with people and number three, the line that I liked the most, “The ice is broken and the door is open. Go out and do it.” That is a great message for everyone at all times. If you enjoyed this episode, subscribe, review, check out my book and remember, let’s keep connected because life is better together.