Taking an online friendship into the real world is an amazing accomplishment with potentially life-changing benefits. But at the same time, it can be a delicate process, one that seems to come with a lot of guesswork. There’s lots of pop culture wisdom about taking a romantic connection from a dating app to an actual date, but for platonic relationships, the course is a bit less clear.
Let’s say you’re in a Meetup group that usually gathers online. You’ve attended two or three events, and each time you’ve found yourself building a rapport with the same few people. Maybe you’re in a book club and these folks always fascinate you with their responses to the reading, or your chats in a virtual networking group have grown beyond career advice. Whatever your situation is, you can follow these same best practices for turning an online friend into an IRL friend.
Find some common ground
A surefire way to build stronger connections is by identifying what you have in common with the people around you. And because you’ve met in a Meetup group or at an online event, you already share something major!
So try expanding on the interest that originally brought you together. For example, you could see if some fellow learners in your coding boot camp also like craft beer, and invite them to a local brewery for a casual weekend workshop. If you met through a cooking class, maybe there’s an upcoming food festival you could attend together.
Host your own Meetup event
If you’re part of a Meetup group that often gathers virtually, reach out to the group’s organizer to see if you can host a special IRL get-together for members in your city. You can message an organizer directly, post on the Events Page, or drop a note in the group’s Discussions or Event Chat.
If you find that you really enjoy hosting, and that there’s a significant interest for IRL gatherings in your area, you can even create your own Meetup group. Whether you organize it as a local chapter of the original community or your own unique offshoot, making a Meetup group for in-person events is a quick and easy way to get your new connections in the same corner.
Make it a group thing, and keep it low key
Remember the old adage: strength in numbers. Relieve some of the social pressure by opening up your in-person hang to anyone in the group who wants to join. Most people will feel more comfortable and confident taking a chance on an IRL event when it’s a group thing, instead of one-on-one.
Eventually, as your connection to certain group members develops, you’ll know when it feels right to suggest a more intimate outing with just one or two new friends.
Choose an accessible public location
Whether you’re hosting a whole event or just meeting a few potential new pals, it’s a good idea to locate your hangout in a shared public space. This way, you and your invitees will feel more relaxed, and there won’t be any private home dynamics to contend with. Your RSVPs will surely increase, because people are much more likely to “go out on a limb” when they’re empowered to come and go as they please.
Plan a real activity
Meeting at a local coffee shop is great, but ordering a latte and a scone isn’t exactly a social plan. Instead, add a more interactive element to your event that will entice people, and give them a better reason to make the effort to join you.
Think about some of the best events you’ve ever attended: you could probably sense that a lot of thought and care was put into them for your benefit. So turn “meet me for coffee” into a writing circle, mutual language learning event, or scrapbooking extravaganza that also happens to take place at a delicious café!
Have some conversation starters ready
Asking basic questions is the best way to get someone chatting. Feel free to stick to the event topic at first—if you’re hosting a group meditation in the park, you can ask someone all kinds of open-ended questions, like how long they’ve been interested in meditation, when they first started their practice, what kinds of meditation have been the most helpful, and so many more.
Whenever you’re trying to keep the conversation flowing, ask people a light question that requires more than a one-word answer. Instead of framing your question in a yes-or-no manner, leave space for the other person to expand.
Be consistent about following up
There’s no need to rush it, but make a point to reach out later to someone you hit it off with during your hangout. Don’t overthink your message, just say you had a great time getting to know them, and thank them for taking the time to be present. Following up like this is how you keep a budding friendship’s momentum going.
Last modified on January 22, 2024
