Marty S. said:

"Steve: We have less control over our lives than we like to think. Today we found out that our 6 year grandson has a potentially devastating leg disorder. He may have to be hospitalized and put into traction. The disease could leave him wheelchair bound by age forty. No amount of knowing yourself or balance can prepare you for dealing with something like this."

Marty: I respectfully disagree. No amount of knowing yourself or balance can stop terrible things from happening in the world. We all die. We lose everything we love. Meteors hit our car. That was the deal from the moment we were born, and we have no control there. But we DO have control over the way we react to the things that happen, and the way we react influences the way we deal with things. In your case, your grandson needs people to help him place his disease in context, so that he can live a happy life. Most of the world's spiritual philosophies, at least those that have endured, have encoded within them the way to deal with tragedy, death, famine, war--horrible things that one might easily say, "How can we have any effect on what happens to us, or how we react? We have no power at all."

Sorry, but no two people react to an emergency, disaster or tragedy the same way. And the ones who don't lose their heads, who remain powerful and centered in the midst of chaos, are the ones who lead the rest of us out of the woods.

I have a relation who is always over-stressed. He gets overwhelmed, and panicked, and my core suggestion is to meditate. He won't do it, saying that he just needs an answer to the problem right now, and that "there is no answer." But his very stress reaction prevents him from seeing all the possibilities extant in the moment. And those same stress reactions make it certain that more problems will happen in the future.

Your grandson needs your strength and centeredness and self-knowledge, your understanding that the physical body is just a vehicle, and not the essence of who and what he is. Raised with that clarity, he will be able to deal with whatever happens with joy and even gratitude. To put it more simply, staying calm doesn't stop your house from burning down, but it does enable you to take the most efficient actions, which may well lead to reduction of damage and/or loss of life.

We have control over the filters through which we perceive reality. We have control over our reactions. We have control over our inner worlds, if we have the courage and strength to take it. Most don't. I'm committed to surfing the waves of stress in my life--I can't control the waves, but if I stay centered, and bring all of my skills to the fore, I have a hell of a ride.

-Steve Barnes, http://darkush.blogspot.com/2009/04/can-we-control-our-lives.html