Living without Regrets 

Living without Regrets
The other day I was playing pickleball with people I have played compatibility with for years. And I was playing horribly. I missed easy shots, I felt terrible that I was ruining the game for my partner and we could barely score any points. Frankly he didn’t care at all but I was really giving myself a hard time. Big deal—this was recreational pickleball and no one cares when someone has an off day. Everyone has games when they are not their best.

But rather than understanding that I was having a challenging game, I went way way far away from the present moment. In the middle of the game, seemingly from out of no where, I got concerned that I was declining and soon I wouldn’t be able to keep up anymore and will have to stop playing altogether. And I created some momentary drama for myself right in the middle of the game.

Until I bounced back the next game and came back to the present moment. But where did I go during that first game? And more importantly, what was bringing me to this fear and anxiety?
I think it has to do with the fact that this past week I lost another very old beloved friend during a year when I lost several other significant people including my brother in law, the first of my siblings to die. And I have been having sobering feelings about the passage of time as I watch the many people around me who are ill and dying. And though I am feeling reasonably well now, the reality that time is passing quickly is a familiar thought.

I realize I am in the last third of my life, which then presents itself with a big question- how do I want to live the remainder of my time here? And, as importantly, how can I live making this present moment the best it can be even within the changes inherent in life that comes with aging.
Jane Fonda has been a great role model for me over the years. And now, in her late 80s she is as active as ever, fighting causes she is passionate about, continuing her work as a film star and saying these late years are the best in her life. Finally, she is clear about who she is and what she wants and what she doesn’t want and her clarity is inspiring .

She talks about the one thing she doesn’t want when she dies and that is having regrets. She saw the upset this caused her father when he died and it was a life changing lesson for her. Therefore, once she turned 60, she had this sobering awakening to be living as fully as she could and she has set a course in her life to do so.

For those who work with the dying population, they often hear people lament when on their death bed about things they wish they had done when they had had the chance. This is all too common an experience. What is awesome about Jane Fonda is that she has recognized this when she turned 60 rather than on her death bed and has been living her full life for the past 25+ years, declaring she has never been happier. A good lesson for us all.

And so, as we embark on a new year, can this be the year when we can live our lives so that we too won’t have regrets when our time comes to leave this planet? What would we need to do to fulfill our dreams so that we too can be used up and full up and tapped out to our max so that our dying is not full of regrets? In what ways can we put ourselves out there on the stage of life, taking risks to be our full selves? Are there relationships we would have to amend ? Could we step out a bit and live from that secret self we have been covering up but yearning to express? What changes would we have to make that could make our lives richer and more fulfilling, no matter our age or health condition? What can we do. (little or big) to step out of our comfort zone to add new spice to our life?

It could be as easy as a new haircut, adding different colors to our wardrobe, taking that class you have wanted to take, calling that person you liked to go for coffee together etc.. Little steps can go a long way to adding adventure and excitement to our aging lives so that we too can truly live until we die.

The time is now. I am reminded daily of a saying I have on my desk—it says “The problem is-you think you have more time.”

But do we?
Wishing you all a very healthy and fulfilling new year.
Join us on January 7th from 5-6:30 PST.