Regret, Self-Betrayal, and Aging: Making Peace with the Past

Regret, Self-Betrayal, and Aging: Making Peace with the Past

In our previous meetings, we explored regret—not as a moral failure, but as a natural response to having lived a full life. We looked at how regret can keep us locked in the past, replaying what we wish we had done differently. But this should not be seen a failure—rather when many of our choices were made, we generally did not have the information, safety, support, or capacity to have made different decisions.

Today, we move a little deeper.

Beneath much regret, there often lives something quieter and more painful for us to explore-- the sense that at certain moments, we may have betrayed ourselves.

Self-betrayal rarely looks dramatic. More often, it shows up in subtle, repeated ways that we might think might not matter. For example it might be:

• saying yes when our body is saying no
• staying silent when something inside us wants to speak
• choosing what is familiar or expected over what feels true

Over time, these moments accumulate. Regret can become our accessible emotion that covers a deeper experience. This is because it is often easier to say “I regret what I did” than to admit “I wasn’t able to stay true to myself.”

Yet it is worth repeating that self-betrayal is rarely an act of cruelty toward ourselves.
Rather, it is almost always an act of survival.

• We might betray ourselves when safety feels like our highest priority

• We might betray ourselves when belonging feels more urgent than authenticity

• We might betray ourselves when listening inward feels too risky or too costly

In our growing up years, many women were rewarded for this behavior. We were praised for being agreeable, resilient, accommodating, and self effacing. Over time, those adaptations became invisible to us and this behavior became our internalized norm. It became the lens through which we learned to see our lives.

Aging therefore can offer a profound shift.

As older women, we may finally feel more free to speak our truths. We may care less about approval and more about integrity. This freedom can feel both liberating and frightening. Yet there is often less at stake now—less to lose by telling the truth, and more to gain by honoring ourselves.

This session is not about shaming, blaming, judging, resenting, fixing, or resolving anything. Rather it is about exploring courage and self love to act from our conviction, with acceptance and compassion so that we may live with more ease, self-trust, and freedom.

Join us on February 4th from 5-6:30 PST