The Necessity of Friendships As We Age

Please note: regardless of what it says on the invitation, this Meetup is always scheduled for Wednesdays from 5-6:30 PST. Sometimes the event is sent from another time zone and is not reflected in PST. Please ignore that—that would be incorrect. Please note this Meetup is ALWAYS scheduled for 5-6:30 PST regardless of what is written in the blurb.

# The Necessity of Friendships As We Age

Read almost any article about aging and one of the top factors—if not the top factor—is the importance of friendships and community. We are social beings. We are not meant to live in isolation. And as we age, the need for connection doesn’t diminish. It becomes more essential. Not just to show up if we need emergency care. But also to be seen and known by others. As we age, our worlds can become much smaller. The structures that once created connection, our work, family roles, shared routines can fall away. People who are important to us can die. And unless we regroup and form new relationships, isolation is a very real challenge in our older years.
So how do we create friendship in our lives?
I learned this in a very personal way from my friend Felice, may her memory be a blessing. Felice was a natural networker, deeply engaged in a wide community of people. She connected others effortlessly and expanded my own social world.
One moment with her changed me. We were part of the same political action group, and one day a new member attended for the first time. I watched as Felice welcomed her and then, without hesitation, invited this woman and her partner to dinner at her home that weekend.
It was revelatory.
My instinct would have been the opposite: to wait, to get to know someone first, to see if there was a connection before extending an invitation. Felice showed me another way—she created connection by inviting first.
That moment forced me to confront something deeper. I realized I was still operating from an old story—that I didn’t quite fit in, that others wouldn’t choose me, and that I had to wait to be included. In many ways, I was still that adolescent, dependent on others to make me feel wanted. And while it may be true that I don’t always fit in—even now—that does not mean I have to wait for an invitation into someone else’s world.
Instead, I can create my own connections.
That shift—from waiting to be invited to becoming the one who invites is not just a social change. It requires us to give up the quiet comfort of staying on the sidelines. That is, if we don’t reach out, we don’t have to risk rejection. If we don’t invite, we don’t have to feel exposed. But the cost of that comfort is isolation.
So in creating friendship, one question is are we willing to take responsibility for creating connection in our own life or do we choose the easier route and stay disconnected? This is the first point.
The second point is to determine if we are looking for friendships to fill our loneliness or ease our fear of being alone. If we feel some emotional or social disconnection, we can feel equally lonely by ourselves, in a partnership or in a crowded room. If we feel unseen or unheard within ourselves, it is hard to connect with others.
A way to nurture meaningful relationships can be by giving to others. For example, by volunteering or engaging in our community, we create our own sense of belonging rather than waiting to be invited in. In doing so, our intention shifts—not to give to get but to give to allow mutual connection with others. We experience the value of giving to others so that they can naturally give to us.
Building friendships is therefore twofold. We must be willing to reach out, and we must learn to both give and receive, without letting our sense of lack drive our actions.
Which brings us to the harder and more personal questions:
How can you create more friends in your life? Are there behaviors you need to change to be available for meaningful friendships? Are there ways you can be more generous in your life? Are there risks you might need to take to accomplish this? Who might you reach out to this week?

Join us on May 6th 5-6:30 PST as we explore this together.

Zoom link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/89494059358?pwd=y0pbzYvdtqVJBdI9S5CZwIKwCM4jTv.1