Navigating Attachment In Lesbian Dating: A Skill-Building Session

Lesbians love hard, but too often, we end up falling for the wrong people, going too fast, getting our hearts broken, taking years to heal, then doing it all over again without ever having gained new skills. It doesn't have to be that way!

"I knew more about growing organic broccoli than I did about how to choose a partner and make a relationship work," one of our members said ruefully after her expensive lesbian divorce. She wasn't alone.

Conscious Girlfriend Academy is a global online school and community supporting lesbians, queer women and adjacent non-binary people that exists to help us SOLVE our unique dating and love challenges, We offer classes, group coaching, and skill-building sessions to help you get the love life outcome you really want. You don't have to go it alone. Change happens so much faster in supportive queer community.

Normally our Tuesday night skill-building sessions are led by one of our coaches, Nicki Monahan (who is amazing) But tonight, Academy Director Ruth Schwartz is filling in for Nicki to cover one of the most important topics for all lesbians to be familiar with: limerence and attachment.

You know that joke about lesbians bringing a U-Haul on the second date, right? Well, have you ever stopped to wonder just why women-loving-women tend to do that (emotionally, if not literally?) Why we can have first dates that last for days, or spend many hours a day on the phone or video chat, and fall so deeply in love, so fast... but also end up with a divorce rate 3X higher than gay men or straight couples?

It turns out that the factors that lead us to go so fast, to bond so deeply, and then, often, to struggle so hard, are all related. They all have to do with how we bond, how we attach, and how our attachment wounds collide.

Attachment wounds and attachment style differences are the single biggest cause of lesbian fights and breakups, yet most of us don't have a clue what we're really dealing with, or how to deal with it effectively. If you read the mainstream literature on attachment, it may just tell you to avoid people with certain attachment styles. Good luck with that! A) Most lesbians have complex attachment, B) You're attracted to who you're attracted to, and C) Our community is small enough that it doesn't make sense for us to just write each other off.

The empowering alternative is to learn how to understand and work with your own attachment wounds, rather than seeking out whole categories of people to avoid -- and, to learn how to calibrate and modulate your attachment, rather than diving in all the way, and then getting your heart shattered. If you've never heard of "limerence," you're about to get some crucial facts that can change everything for you.

Check out the Skills Lab and sign up for membership or a free intake here. A Meetup RSVP alone won't get you in. This event is cross-posted in many places, and there will likely be 50-100 women present.

Tonight's Skill-Building Lab will give you some tools to understand limerence, work with your own attachment system, and start learning about the attachment system of whoever you're dating or considering dating. It's all about empowerment.

Once you understand limerence and attachment, and start to work constructively with them, you'll naturally become more discerning. People who aren't ready to own and work with their attachment patterns will no longer attract you. Real intimacy, harmony and love will become so much easier to find, and to maintain -- not just for the U-haul, but for the long haul. Your heart is worth it.

And, getting there is a process. It's not likely to happen by just coming to one Skills Lab. But, as they say, a journey of however many miles... really does start with a single step.

Click here to learn more about the Dating & Love Skills Lab, the Academy membership program, and how to schedule a free intake session, which could allow you to try out the Lab free for a night.

Not ready to take that step? You can also click here to start reading our Amazon bestseller, Conscious Lesbian Dating & Love, free.

We're here to support you in living your best lesbian or queer life 🏳️‍🌈💞