Holiday Open House -- and support for lesbian/queer thriving :)

Holiday Open House! And an excuse to connect :)

Are you curious about the Conscious Girlfriend Academy community? Or, just seeking some extra support as the holidays draw near? Either way, we'd love to have you join us on Tuesday for some open-hearted connection.

We gather 5:00-6:30 Pacific Time (start time is 6:00 MT, 7:00 CT, and 8:00 ET) and it'll be a chance to meet some of the beautiful women and queer people involved in the Academy, have some thought-provoking and authentic conversations, and learn more about the Academy, too. We charge $1.00 for newbies, to keep the space safe. You must register and pay here -- a Meetup RSVP won't get you the link.
Now, let's get real. Cultural mythology tells us that the holidays are supposed to be full of joy and connection, but for many of us, these are actually some of the hardest days of the year.
You might feel lonely. Or you might be dreading your time with family members who don't "get" you, or are homophobic, or are on the other side of the political chasm.
Or you might be with a partner or friends, but still have a feeling of... emptiness, or exhaustion, or "Is this all there is?"
It can be stressful and exhausting, expensive and over-stimulating. And it can also push our attachment buttons, and make us polarize along the predictable fault lines of our different attachment templates.
Here's how that might look.
If you're on the anxious side, you're probably working overtime trying to make sure everyone else's needs get met, shopping till you drop, cooking, caring for others... and then deep down feeling like a martyr because no one is doing the same for you.
It feels like your girlfriend or other close people are just not as present. You start feeling lonely, and it feels even worse to be lonely at this time of year. So maybe a complaint slips out, and then all of a sudden, you're fighting...
Because your GF, or your close person who is more on the avoidant side, has been feeling stressed and overwhelmed, too. And just as you (or the more anxious-template person) want to go toward other people when you feel anxious, the more avoidant-template person wants to get away, get some space. She starts feeling Bah-Humbug, "I hate the holidays, I can't wait till this is over!"
And the anxious person then starts feeling even more frantic to get on the samepage, to feel connected again, to have that "happy holiday" everyone is supposed to have.
Yikes. The gap between how it looks on the outside and how it feels on the inside is getting even bigger. And of course, that just makes the more avoidant person feel more pressured, and pull back even further, which makes the anxious person feel more disconnected and frantic and sad...
So then here we are, getting more polarized into our separate patterns -- and both people are suffering, and neither of us is in that fabled "holiday spirit" at all!
OUCH.
If you recognize yourself on either side of this seesaw, here's what to do.

1. Know that you are not alone.
2. Stop taking it personally. In times of stress, we revert to our default templates. It's not your fault, and it's not her fault, either. You're actually each doing the best you can.
3. Compassion is the remedy. Compassion for yourself, first, just like putting on your own oxygen mask first. Then, compassion for the other person. Then, as you keep breathing, compassion for all of us.
4. If you believe in any deeper spirit behind the holidays -- the bringing of light into darkness, the spirit of giving, the wisdom of Jesus, the miracle of the lamp oil that burned for eight days instead of one -- tune into that.

If this is a challenging time of year for you, >sign up here to join us at our Tuesday Open House.

Here's the thing: it's so easy for negative momentum to get going. Tension increases, loneliness deepens, words get said that you'll later wish you hadn't said. (We all know that whoever made up that line about sticks and stones hurting, but words not hurting, was just plain wrong. Words can hurt a lot, and that hurt can linger for a very, very long time.)
But on the plus side, it's also possible for even one person to turn that negative momentum around. That one person can be you!
And that's the very best holiday gift you could ever give anyone, including yourself.
So, take a walk. Sit still and sip some tea. Breathe in and out slowly, making your out-breath longer than your in-breath. Lie down for a few minutes and pull the covers up over your head and cry. Or meditate, or sing, or chant, or gaze at a flower or a candle, or spend a few minutes of quality time with your pet (who doesn't care at all about the holidays), and let yourself come back to center.
From that place in the center of your heart, you'll see that holidays don't have to be perfect. Nothing is or will be perfect, and has to be perfect, which is fortunate, because nothing is perfect -- and in spite of that, and even because of that, this life is unutterably precious.
May love prevail.
Much lesbian and queer love to you,
Ruth
P.S. Don't forget our pre-Christmas sale! Hit "reply" to get $100 off your registration for our Roadmap Retreat, January 11-15, on the Manatee River near Tampa, FL! Learn more about the retreat here. It will be an amazing way to start 2026 in community, fun, friendship and learning. Or, sign up for both the retreat and the online Roadmap class and get $200 off, this week only.