Facing Rejection

Rejection sucks. Let's get better with it.

If you start talking to people you're interested in, you will inevitably run into some that aren't interested in you. How painful, humiliating or confrontational that moment becomes depends partly on their mood and predisposition, but mostly on how well you handle it.

When you handle it poorly, rejection feels more painful, threatening and long-lasting than it has to be.

At my worst, I spent months avoiding social interactions. If trying to talk to people only bothered them and hurt me, it was kinder and less reckless to stay out of the way. I still wanted to connect, but saw no way to do so.

Eventually I got out of it, but trying to connect still felt like a minefield. I didn't know what I was doing wrong, but I was determined to figure it out and share my notes. This workshop is based on my notes so far, but they are definitely still a work in progress.

This workshop is not about

• ~~A fool proof way to never get rejected.~~
• ~~Convert a no into a yes.~~
• ~~"Shifting your mindset" so rejection just doesn't bother you anymore.~~

This workshop is about

• How to defuse a rejection before it becomes a problem.
• How to stop reinforcing the feeling that "I'm the problem".
• How and where to rack up small social wins to take the pressure off needing any single interaction to be "successful".

The core clarification about rejection is this:

Once they've decided they don't want to interact with you, all further actions from their end are aimed at getting you to leave. The longer it takes you to leave and the more you try to engage past this point, the more annoyed, frustrated, and adversarial their position becomes.

In this workshop you will get to experiment with:

• How to notice when you've reached that point so you can leave cleanly.
• Staying in the interaction long enough to give it a chance to connect instead of prematurely self-rejecting.

If you're able to do 1 you'll be able to do 2 without it coming off as pressuring or intrusive.