Love Is a Beautiful Loser: A Global History of Forbidden Romance

**Cross Post with: https://www.meetup.com/philosophers-and-gamblers/events/309124158/?eventOrigin=home_page_upcoming_events%24all**

Who gets to love — and who decides?
Across the great civilizations of history, romantic love has rarely been in charge. Whether in the Confucian courts of East Asia, the tribal honor systems of the Middle East, the aristocratic houses of the West, or the kinship-based cultures of Africa, one thing is painfully clear: marriage was not about love. It was about money, alliances, class, caste, duty, and bloodlines.
In this discussion, we’ll explore how four cultural spheres treated love and marriage:
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🔹 East Asia – In China, Korea, and Japan, Confucian order and filial piety defined marriage. Love was seen as potentially disruptive, even dangerous. Arranged marriages were the norm, with individual desire often suppressed for the sake of family, hierarchy, and stability.
🔹 Middle East – From ancient tribal alliances to Islamic legal frameworks, marriage was a tool for consolidating power and securing loyalty. Romantic love often existed in poetry — not in practice. The most famous lovers, like Layla and Majnun, were separated by custom, law, and honor.
🔹 The West – From Greek city-states to feudal Europe, elites married for politics, not passion. Love was tolerated as a side affair, but the main event — marriage — was a cold, strategic contract. Courtly love thrived in literature precisely because it was impossible in life.
🔹 Africa – Kinship, dowries, and clan politics shaped most traditional African marriages. While some cultures allowed more room for affection and fluidity, marriage still served economic and social cohesion — not the pursuit of romantic fulfillment. In polygynous societies, love was rarely exclusive.
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We’ll ask:

• Is love inherently disruptive to social order?
• Why has love so often been denied to the poor, the young, and the powerless?
• And what does the historical suppression of love say about the values each civilization protected?

Join us for a brutal — and beautiful — global look at why love has always been the loser.