Being Seen: The Gaze, Identity, and Social Performance

Hey Folks,
How much of who we are is shaped by how we believe others see us? From mirrors and makeup to social media profiles, we constantly negotiate between our inner self and the way we’re perceived. But is the self we perform under the gaze of others any less real than the one we feel privately?
In this session, we’ll explore the philosophy of “being seen”—through the lens of identity, gender, self-presentation, and social performance. Drawing on ideas from Jean-Paul Sartre’s “the gaze,” Simone de Beauvoir, Judith Butler, and contemporary feminist and media theory, we’ll question how much of our identity is self-made, and how much is shaped by the expectations, desires, and judgments of those around us.
Whether it's in the workplace, at home, in a relationship, or online—how do you navigate the difference between being authentic and being acceptable?

***

### Discussion Questions

1. How does being seen by others affect how we see ourselves?
   → Is identity something we create independently, or is it always shaped by social reflection?
2. What is 'the gaze'—and does it always imply power?
   → From Sartre’s existential gaze to feminist critiques: is being watched a form of control, connection, or something else?
3. Do we perform ourselves differently in different settings—and is that wrong?
   → Are we ever truly “authentic,” or just adapting to roles?
4. How do gender and societal expectations influence how we present ourselves?
   → Do women (and others in marginalized groups) experience 'being seen' differently or more intensely?
5. Does the digital world amplify the pressure of the gaze?
   → With selfies, likes, and curated feeds, are we now performing for an invisible audience all the time?
6. Is there power in choosing how we’re seen—or in refusing to be seen at all?
   → What forms of resistance or empowerment exist within self-presentation?
7. When does self-presentation become self-alienation?
   → Can the pressure to maintain a certain image disconnect us from who we really are?
8. How can philosophy help us reclaim agency in how we’re perceived?
   → What tools—internal or social—do we have to resist being reduced to a stereotype?

***

### Quotes & Insights

1. Jean-Paul Sartre: "The Other is the one who looks at me and thereby defines me."
   → Sartre believed that to be seen is to become an object—does visibility reduce us?
2. Simone de Beauvoir: "One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman."
   → Identity as something shaped and performed in relation to social expectation.
3. Judith Butler: "There is no gender identity behind the expressions of gender; that identity is performatively constituted by the very expressions that are said to be its results."
   → Is all identity, including gender, a performance shaped by repetition and gaze?
4. bell hooks: "Being oppressed means the absence of choices."
   → How does control over how we’re seen—or not seen—relate to freedom?
5. Frantz Fanon: "Not only must the black man be black; he must be black in relation to the white man."
   → The gaze is not neutral; it is shaped by race, power, and history.

***

We'll 'meet' here at 19:00 UK time
[https://meet.google.com/wmw-uuwq-xck](https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fmeet.google.com%2Fwmw-uuwq-xck%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR1Nkcl8vw0H4mVLOPoou8P0Rf_08YAcW0dhjtgjGWK0MHjHn40cc8e_dOU&h=AT1esiOjKCcwY6W9xk-eLBwvz-6dmi44eA4qH18ExKTFcypXDHUDT45Mt4cXXJ6X4--MeK00YmiBwcxV684LwLMlUxusnEqz6C99f3XUg0KMQbxrAJXi7f1hd81_ww02KeQeJ9Fk)