Social + Discussion: Polyamory – identity or lifestyle?

Identity = the sense of self, providing sameness and continuity in personality over time.
Lifestyle = the habits, attitudes, tastes, moral standards, etc.. that together constitute the mode of living of an individual or group.

Thursday 14th May 2026: 7.30–9pm
Polyamory & ENM: Social + Discussion –
“Polyamory – identity or lifestyle?”
(Online, free to attend)

For some people, polyamory feels like a core part of who they are – an identity, orientation, or way of being. For others, it’s a relationship structure or lifestyle choice: something they practice rather than something they fundamentally are.

Is polyamory best understood as an identity, or simply a way of relating? In other words, is this who we are, or is it what we do?

This discussion invites us to explore the different ways people understand and experience polyamory, and what those perspectives might mean for how we relate to ourselves, our partners, and the wider world.

Elisabeth Sheff, a sociologist who has studied polyamorous families for many years, often points out that people experience polyamory in different ways – sometimes as something they are, sometimes as something they do.

Jessica Fern, therapist and author of Polysecure, also observes that her consensually non-monogamous clients tend to view it as either an expression of their authentic self or as a chosen relational structure.

Polyamory also raises broader questions about identity and intersectionality:
- How does ethical non-monogamy intersect with other aspects of who we are, such as sexuality, gender, culture, religion, or political values?
- Does it overlap with LGBTQ+ communities or other identity-based movements?
- Where does polyamory sit within the wider landscape of identity politics, community, and social recognition?

Expect an open, curious conversation where there’s no single right answer, just shared experience, insight, and learning.

Open to both total newbies and seasoned poly adventurers. Bring your curiosity, your questions, and your own lived wisdom – all perspectives are welcome.

We will take the question as a starting point for a deeper conversation and spend time in breakout rooms to allow people to connect and chat with more people and hear more perspectives.

Please note this isn't one of those impersonal online events where participants engage minimally and at a distance from behind their muted faceless screens. Numbers are limited precisely to encourage real human connection and conversation in breakout rooms with like-minded folks, to whatever extent feels authentic and comfortable to them.

Cost: Free