Discussion & Activity: The RULER Approach

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to manage your own emotions while also understanding the emotions of others. This skill forms a necessary foundation for building and maintaining successful relationships.

There are five key elements of EQ: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. Together, we will explore how the RULER Approach of emotional intelligence can be applied to relationships, as presented by Marc Brackett, Ph.D., in his book Permission to Feel.

RULER is an evidence-based approach to social and emotional learning (SEL), developed by the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. It teaches five essential skills:

• Recognizing
• Understanding
• Labeling
• Expressing
• Regulating

Why It Matters:

• Stronger Connection: High EQ fosters deeper intimacy and emotional bonds, leading to more satisfying relationships.
• Healthier Conflict Resolution: Emotionally intelligent individuals handle conflict constructively, breaking frustrating patterns and working through challenges together.
• Better Communication: It facilitates open and honest communication, where all parties feel understood, valued, and supported.
• Increased Trust: Consistent, thoughtful responses build trust and strengthen commitment in any relationship.

We will meet at Neighbours Table Coffee and Commons (2830 NE Flanders St, Portland, Oregon 97232).

This will be an open, casual discussion where you are welcome to share your thoughts, stories and experiences, as much or as little as you would like.

Potential Discussion Questions:

• How can you recognize emotions in yourself and others using the RULER Approach?
• What are some ways to understand the causes and potential impacts of different emotions?
• What are some constructive ways to express emotions that are both helpful and respectful?
• How can we regulate our emotions and respond effectively to challenging situations?
• In what ways can the RULER Approach enhance communication in relationships?
• Can you think of a situation where applying RULER skills would help resolve a conflict or navigate a difficult interaction?
• How does the RULER Approach help us understand and appreciate the value of all emotions, both positive and negative?

References:

1. RULER Approach
2. How Are You Dealing With Emotions?
3. Permission to Feel Book Summary