Discussion: Emotional Intelligence in Relationships

“Love is soft and nourishing, but it is also hard and revealing. It will show you the sides of yourself that you need to work on.” — Yung Pueblo

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions as well as respond thoughtfully to the emotions of others. It helps us communicate authentically, handle conflict with compassion, and nurture connections in healthy and balanced ways.

Drawing inspiration from sources like Yung Pueblo’s How to Love Better: The Path to Deeper Connection Through Growth, Kindness, and Compassion, we will explore how EQ cultivates self-awareness, emotional resilience, and grace in relationships—whether platonic, romantic, professional, or familial. We will discuss how strengthening our EQ fosters trust, builds deeper connection, and supports mutual growth through challenges and vulnerability.

There are four domains of EQ in relationships:

1. Self-Awareness: Recognize and understand one's own emotions, triggers, and vulnerabilities. This self-understanding is crucial for honesty in relationships because it allows individuals to identify their true feelings and needs, rather than suppressing them or projecting them onto their partner. Emotionally self-aware people can communicate what they genuinely believe and feel, instead of saying what they think is expected.
2. Self-Management: The ability to manage and control emotional responses (e.g., anger and defensiveness) during difficult conversations prevents conflict from escalating into hurtful exchanges. This emotional control creates a safe environment for people to be honest, as they know their truthful expression will not be met with judgment or an unconstructive reaction.
3. Social Awareness: Developing empathy, noticing others and how they are feeling, and responding thoughtfully. An empathetic person can tune into another’s emotional cues and perspective, helping them feel seen and heard. This kind of supportive atmosphere fosters psychological safety, which is essential for vulnerability, trust, and honest communication.
4. Relationship Management: Using emotional awareness helps people communicate effectively, resolve conflict respectfully, build trust, and strengthen lasting relationships. It translates into clear, open, and respectful communication. This involves using “I” statements to express personal feelings and needs without blame, and practicing active listening. Emotionally intelligent individuals can discuss difficult topics and share uncomfortable perspectives without resorting to passive-aggressive behavior or silence, which can undermine honesty and connection.

Having the intention to show EQ allows people to be vulnerable and to hold space for others’ vulnerability. This openness becomes a cornerstone of building genuine trust and connection, demonstrating reliability, authenticity, and mutual respect.

We will be meeting at Neighbours Table Coffee and Commons, 2830 NE Flanders St, Portland, OR 97232.

This will be an open, casual discussion where you are welcome to share your thoughts, stories and experiences, as much or as little as you would like. Feel free to grab some drinks and socialize.

Potential Discussion Questions:

• What does it mean to “validate” someone in conversation or conflict?
• How does EQ affect your ability to cope during stressful or busy moments?
• How does empathy factor into all areas of EQ in your relationships?
• How does your attachment style or your early caregiver relationships affect how you connect with others?
• What are some ways to become more self-aware?
• How do boundaries and EQ intersect in maintaining healthy relationships?
• How can we communicate with one another without triggering defensiveness?
• In what ways can vulnerability increase EQ?
• What role does emotional maturity look like during disagreements?
• How can we practice compassion toward ourselves while learning to love others better?

References:

1. Fisher, Jefferson. Boost Your Emotional Intelligence: Skills for Better Communication and Relationships. YouTube.
2. The Gottman Institute. 75 Insightful Questions to Deepen Emotional Intimacy.
3. The Gottman Institute. How to Listen Without Getting Defensive.
4. The Gottman Institute. Love Smarter by Learning When to Take a Break.
5. Landry, Lauren. Emotional Intelligence in Leadership: Why It's Important. Harvard Business School Online.
6. Pueblo, Yung. How to Love Better: The Path to Deeper Connection Through Growth, Kindness, and Compassion. Harmony Books, 2025.
7. Solomon, Alexandra. How to Love Better: Cultivating Growth, Kindness, and Compassion with Yung Pueblo. YouTube.