The Perfectionism Trap... How to Free Yourself
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Wednesday, July 9th at 3 pm CT.
90-Minute Workshop
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Cost is $15
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# The Perfectionism Trap: How "Doing It Right" Is Doing Us Harm
### Why chasing perfection is quietly unraveling our health, happiness, and relationships—and how we can begin to soften its hold.
Perfectionism is tricky. It wears a thousand masks—high standards, ambition, drive, “just wanting to do it well” with self-judgment, constant pressure and “not good enough.” It whispers that if we just try harder, do more, work longer, look better, fix that one last thing… then we’ll finally feel okay.
But here’s the sad truth:
Perfectionism doesn’t lead us to peace.
It leads us to burnout and exhaustion.
To brittle and broken relationships.
To a body always bracing, ever anxious.
To a soul that never gets to rest, to feel peace.
The Lie Beneath It
At its root, perfectionism isn’t about excellence. It’s about fear.
Fear of being judged.
Fear of being inadequate.
Fear of being seen as messy, emotional, needy, human, “less than”.
Perfectionism is a coping strategy we learned—most often early in life—to gain approval, stay safe, to be noticed and even to avoid shame. If I’m perfect, no one will leave. If I get everything right, I won’t be punished. If I look the part, maybe I’ll finally belong and be part of the “right” group.
But the longer we live from that place, the more we lose touch with the parts of us that are real and true, whole and worthy—just as we are.
How It Shows Up
You might not think of yourself as a perfectionist. But it can sneak in sideways:
You procrastinate until things are “ready,” and they never are.
You avoid asking for help because it feels like weakness.
You judge yourself (and others) harshly—for not doing more, being more, knowing more, looking better.
You overwork. You overthink. You over-give.
You rarely feel satisfied, even after a win.
And then… your nervous system is shot. Your relationships feel strained. Your joy disappears. Your health takes a hit. Your life feels flat and you feel uninspired.
What It Costs Us
Let’s name it plainly:
Perfectionism is not a virtue. It’s punishment…a form of self-abandonment.
It keeps us from:
Connecting deeply—because we’re too busy performing.
Creating freely—because we’re scared of getting it wrong.
Resting fully—because we haven’t earned it yet.
Healing truly—because we think we have to “fix ourselves” first.
Worse, it can show up as chronic tension in the body, adrenal fatigue, gut issues, anxiety, or an endless cycle of self-criticism. The price is high—and it’s often invisible…until it becomes a clear and present danger to us.
Softening the Grip
So how do we begin to untangle perfectionism from our worth?
It starts with self-compassion. Not discipline. Not another self-improvement checklist.
Just self-compassion.
Notice the voice of perfectionism when it flares up. Don’t argue—just recognize it.
Ask yourself: What am I afraid would happen if I did this imperfectly?
Practice doing one small thing imperfectly on purpose. Let it be enough.
Surround yourself with people who embrace your wholeness, not your hustle.
Learn to pause. Breathe. Feel. Receive. Heal. Become still.
You are not here to be flawless. You are here to be you, free of perfectionism.
A Closing Reflection
What if your value doesn’t increase when you suffer more?
What if your worth is not something you earn, but something you remember?
What if the messy, honest, real you is already enough?
Start right now…take a deep breath, place your hands on your heart and give yourself a little appreciation. A little tendernesss and self compassion and self-caring.
Give yourself permission to be YOU.
I look forward to having you join me on Wednesday!
Malinda
Thank you so much for supporting my work on Substack.
Your paid Substack subscription includes an individual 90-Minute Coaching Session using The Compassion Key technique... It’s a gentle, powerful approach where I guide you in self-compassion for the purpose of unlocking old patterns of thought and imprints that have kept you from experiencing your own happiness and well-being. It opens up space for good things to show up for you. Highly recommended!
The Perfectionism Trap... How to Free Yourself