Authenticity vs Approval

"Just be yourself!" | "Don't care about what other people think!" | "Everyone is unique!"

• These are just examples of things people tell each other in social settings.
  Being yourself is an idea that many support, but what happens when being yourself is frowned upon? How do we balance authenticity and blending social norms? Could the fear of rejection be the reason why most people are just actors putting on different masks on a daily basis?
• Some people use authenticity to justify their poor social behaviors by saying things like "I don't care if you don't like the way I do things because that's who I am!"

***I argue that just be yourself is one of the worst advices ever given because many people do not have the attributes to do well in many social settings, which being yourself can cause a cascading effect from social rejection to self rejection, self doubt, and ultimately self sabotage, leading to the inevitability of confronting the tough choices between changing one's self to conform to societal standards for approval or staying true to one's self but face potential rejection.

I don't believe in the phrase "fake it till you make it." but I think a better framework is "fake it till you become it."***

Questions to ponder:

• Is being authentic important? Why or why not?
• Does being authentic mean being able do whatever you feel natural regardless of social norms, morality and legality?
• Would you rather be respected for who you are or liked for your people skills?
• How are social norms created?
• When can being authentic be detrimental?
• Is conforming to social norms inauthentic?
• Can you explain when in a social situation were you pressured to be inauthentic?
• Are most people fake? If so, why do you think this is the case?
• What do think about the dichotomy between being yourself verses fake it till you make it?
• It is ok to show vulnerability to people? To who? In what settings?
• Is there a gender bias on showing vulnerability?
• How does culture and social media shape your perception on how you view yourself and others?
• Do you stand up against wrong doings or do you cower in the face of injustice?
• What are the best ways to deal with rejection, the fear of rejection, and improve resilience?

Guidelines:

• Hand raises are required.
• There will be a 3 minute timer for every person. However, in this group, I do allow a brief back and fourth interjection from others if it's something that's related to the person who was just speaking. This is a way to prevent the group from feeling too "robotic" in style and get your pressing question asked to the speaker and get the answer right away without waiting all the way back to your turn again.
• Be authentic & civil!
• Please refrain from using Ad Hominem (personal) attacks. Instead, please attack the points from others. Severe Ad Hominem such as racist behavior will result in being removed from the meeting.
• Zoom link is posted well before the day of the meeting but you will not be able to join until 10 minutes before the meeting start time.