In Search of Portland's Greatest Chinese Takeaway

It began, as all great legends do, with a single spring roll and a dream. A brave band of flavor-warriors sets out on a perilous quest: to uncover Oregon's finest Chinese takeaway.

Armed only with chopsticks and a freakishly high sodium tolerance, they’ll risk everything to claim the crown of Kung Pao glory.

Here’s the plan: grab one glorious Chinese takeaway dish from your favorite spot and bring it to the feast. That’s it. No cooking, just strategic ordering. Share it like a benevolent noodle god. Eat like a dragon unleashed.

How to Enter the Takeaway Wok of Fame:

📝 RSVP & Commit
No “maybes,” no “we’ll sees.” This event is for people who’d fight a dragon for fried rice.

🥡 Bring a Takeaway Signature Dish
Order your favorite dish (two if you're bringing a guest). You go get it. You arrive victorious, holding a sacred container of glory.

🍴 Bring Your Own Serving Utensils
Otherwise, your dish gets served with the ceremonial spatula of shame. It’s sticky and haunted.

💬 Post Your Dish in the Comments Section
If ten people show up with orange chicken, we’re starting a cage match. The lowest-rated dish gets exiled to the Sad Table by the bathroom.

🕰️ Need to cancel? Tell us three days ahead of time
No Ghosting. If that happens, your abandoned spot will be filled by someone who brings “fusion” Jell-O salad. And we will tell them it was your idea.

⚠️ Known Side Effects:
🛏️ Waking up covered in soy sauce, unsure of what you confessed to.
🧮 Rating all life experiences as “three out of five egg rolls.”
🎤 Breaking into spontaneous Cantonese karaoke - no lyrics required.

🥠 Sign up now and take your place in the potluck prophecy. Portland’s best takeout won’t discover itself. Glory, sauce, and possible napkin fame await.