Forget the Chocolates: A Stoic Guide to Real Valentine's Day Love

The Stoics believed the four cardinal virtues—wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance—weren't just personal disciplines but fundamentally about living in harmony with nature and the rational order of the universe. And central to that was the concept of oikeiosis, which is essentially the process of recognizing your kinship with all rational beings and extending your care outward from yourself to your family, community, and ultimately all of humanity.
When you practice justice—treating others fairly and contributing to the common good—you're acting from a recognition that other people matter. When you practice wisdom, you're trying to see things clearly including the dignity and worth of others. Courage often involves standing up for what's right even when it costs you. Temperance means not letting your own immediate desires override your consideration for others or your principles.
The Stoic Marcus Aurelius wrote about how we're all like limbs of one body, meant to work together. That's essentially a vision of universal love or compassion, even if he didn't use romantic or sentimental language about it. The Stoics saw selfishness and vice as forms of ignorance—failing to recognize our fundamental connection to others.
So in that sense, living the stoic virtues could be understood as a disciplined, rationalized form of love—love expressed through ethical action, through treating people justly, through contributing to the welfare of the whole. It's less about the feeling of affection and more about the commitment to others' wellbeing that love entails.

Gerry & James
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