The NEW "Friend Zone!" - San Diego

Fed up with the single life? You're not alone. Going out with people has always been so frustrating and full of drama. Well, I think it's time to change the rules of dating and going out. The New "Friend Zone" is a group that will plan activities where members focus on having fun as a group instead of focusing on finding "The One." It sounds like living in the perpetual "Friend Zone" status, but it's much, much different. The NEW "Friend Zone" is about relearning how to have fun with like-minded people and taking the pressure off of meeting new people. You've never seen something like this!!!

It's about time to turn the dating scene upside down and shake it up a little bit! The "NEW" FRIEND ZONE" is a new term that I came up with to bring some class, charm, and good ol' fashioned values back to the world of dating and hanging out with people that you might be attracted to. After being single for several years, I stumbled upon something that has been hiding right in front of us all this time. Even if you don't join the group, think about this concept and share it with your friends.

Here is how it works. Let's say that I meet a girl (it doesn't matter if I am attracted to her or not), and we become friends. We hang out and have some fun times, and eventually, I ask her if she has a boyfriend, to which she answers "yes" or "no." Then she asks me if I have a girlfriend (which I don't), and I tell her that I don't date. I put every girl I meet into a category that I call the "New Friend Zone." That means I just hang out with girls as friends for 4-6 months to get an idea if we work out as a couple. Typically in that 4-6 months, I will find things that would have eventually broken us up if we had dated, but here is the great part- we are still friends!!! There is no more endless list of people we met once or twice and never talked to again. In the New Friend Zone, we can be very ambiguous about our feelings while being transparent about our friendships. But it only works if there is no intimate contact or talks about feelings. And yes, you read it right... no intimate contact..... for a while. This is a move back towards the days of being super respectful towards another person and taking time to be good friends while having fun. How long with no intimate contact? That's up to you. I recommend 4-5 months, which sounds ludicrous. But it typically takes at least that long for a person to show you who they really are. If you make it to 5 months- I recommend spending an entire day with somebody in a crowded shopping mall. That will bring out the "crazy" in most people! But that's ok too because then the person just ends up being a good friend. And if you make it past 5 months, how do you get it out of "The New Friend Zone? I will tell you when you make it that long ;)

How did this new term come into existence? I was going to school to be a Christian minister, and I noticed that many of my friends were meeting really nice people but only went out with them once or twice. I thought that there had a be a different way to do things. I really like to hang out with women because they add something extra to my life. Perspective maybe? But hanging out with women is very difficult because it is human to want to start up a romantic relationship as fast as possible. Eventually, I realized that if us guys had some self-control, then we could relearn how to be friends with people to whom we might be attracted.

Next- I have created some of my own Rules for the New Friend Zone. These are Rules I would need to follow to keep things at the New "Friend Zone" level for a while. These Rules help me establish some healthy boundaries and remind me to take time to get to know people. You could create your own Rules to follow. However, please don't take me too seriously on the word "rules." But trust me, if you fail to follow some type of Rule, you will fall into the same old traps as everybody else in the regular dating world. For instance, my Rule #1 -No talking about other women in front of the woman I am spending time with. Example- If I met a nice woman, I stick to Rule #1, act like a gentleman should act, AND NOT TALK ABOUT OTHER GIRLS!!! EVEN ACTRESSES!!!! I don't want to hear about her ex's or guys she currently likes, so I won't talk about other women in front of her.

So what can we do here in Orange County..? Surf, paddleboard, hike, anything.... but do it WITHOUT it being a "dating" thing. We could meet, and I could tell you all about it. I am excited because I have met so many incredible people. I met a lot of wonderful women in Puerto Rico and then another group in San Diego, and the girls get the concept, but guys have a really tough time with it. What guy wants to wait around for a woman for 5 months to figure things out? None!!! I don't want to wait that long either, but after watching hundreds of relationships turn into a slow-motion train wreck, I would rather just hang out with the ladies and have tons of good times.

Think about what the dating world would be like if people took the pressure off of meeting "The One." You could relax and focus on having some good times instead of wondering if your new friend is the perfect match. There'd be less drama, fewer failed relationships, fewer heartaches, and much, much more time to focus on living life instead of frantically searching for that special someone. You already know that finding the right person is a matter of "luck" and timing. Still, for those of you who have a strong religious faith, you know deep down inside that it is a matter of just waiting patiently. There really is nothing that you can do to speed up the process.

One last thing- this whole concept can be really confusing. Sorry. I speak with my heart, so it tends to come out sounding all messed up, but believe me, it is all about treating others with the respect that they deserve and having some great times. So let's get out there and have some fun!

Here is MY list of "Rules." Don't get hung up on the word "rule," but let me tell you something- If I break the "rule," things will go off the tracks quick! Try it out. What's the worst that could happen, you make a nice friend to hang with? Check the DISCUSSIONS page to learn more about each Rule, and good luck out there!

RULE #1 - NEVER, EVER, talk about other ladies in front of the ladies... and keep my eyes locked into theirs... keep my eyes from wandering and checking out other ladies!

RULE #2- Learn how to give the ladies a nice compliment and move on... not move in for a kiss!

RULE #3 - DO NOT TALK ABOUT FEELINGS! (For like 5 months.... yes 5 months. It is going to take that long for the "real" version of the person to show up.

RULE #4 - Introduce all of my New Friend Zone friends to one another.

RULE #5- Treat the ladies like a Princess.... even when they are not on their best behavior. Many women have been treated horribly, and it may take some time for them to get used to being treated well.

RULE #6- Try not to text or call too much.

RULE# 7- Find someone who shares my interests- opposites do not attract... in my opinion.

Lastly, and more importantly- I want to encourage you to make the most out of your time being Single. This is the time you can do what you want to do without other people slowing you down or even stopping you from living out your dreams! This is the perfect time to improve yourself, for yourself, and I call this "While We Wait For Love." While we wait patiently for our turn, there's a whole world out there to explore and so many ways we can work on ourselves and resolve old issues.

As an example- I am currently riding my bicycle around the US on a solo trip because I cannot find anybody who has the time or the desire to do the ride. So far I have visited over 300 cities and large towns along the East Coast and Great Lakes. I am also taking this time to write some books, to get very fit, and to work on my "issues" (similar to the ones most of us have). By the time I get back to SoCal this summer, I will have cycled more than 10,000 miles and accomplished a ton of goals, while meeting some very interesting folks along the way. When I get back, I hope to plan some fun events, and start pumping out a series of books about The NEW "Friend Zone" as well as "While We Wait For Love."

In the meantime, PLEASE contact me with any questions or ideas!

Batch!