Single people in San Diego- I am DONE with the Singles scene, and found some Peace when I realized there's a completely different way of having fun as Singles. It took me a decade to figure it out, and I had a difficult time putting it into words because it was from my heart. Many other people feel the same way about the dating scene and just trying to meet new Single peopl. People can feel lonely, depressed, bored, fed up, anxious or even angry about going out in regards to meeting new Single men and women, but I found something and I call it The NEW "Friend Zone!"
San Diego is such an amazing place with so much to offer- surfing, paddle boarding, hiking, good food, culture, micro brew, and list goes on. As single people we have so many opportunities, but keep reading because I have a little twist on going out. - THE "NEW" "Friend Zone"- - Yes, this is a new term and a radically different way of interacting with other singles and even interacting with people who we might be attracted to- but let me provide some context and background. When I was younger, I dated some incredible women and was engaged 3 times!!! But each time, the women and I realized I am such a "free spirit," I needed somebody in my life who was willing to not only chase huge dreams, and live a life of moving where our dreams lead us to, but a women who was willing to drop everything if both of our dreams required it. There's millions of women out there who feel the same way.... I just have not met them. So after years of chasing my dreams and being single I stumbled upon something that was hiding right in front of us all this time- a life of PEACE AS A SINGLE PERSON!! I realized that I can go out with amazing women and just hang out as friends. It was life changing! Sorry Ladies, I know this is like your every day life, but us guys forgot how to be friends with you all as soon as we could grow chin whiskers. It's so embarrassing- guys actually ask me, "What's the point of hanging out with women if you're not going to hook up?" Sheeesh. "Bro, just hanging out and having fun IS THE POINT!" Forgive us, Ladies.
- Even if you don't join the group think about this concept and share it with your friends. Here is how it works. Let's say that I meet a girl (it doesn't matter if I am attracted to her or not), and we become friends. We hang out and have some fun times and eventually she asks me if I have a girlfriend, (which I don't), and I tell her that "I don't date. I put every girl that I meet into a category that I call the NEW "Friend Zone"." That means I just hang out with girls as friends for a long time so I can get an idea if we will workout as a couple. Typically, between after 4-6 months I will find things that would have eventually broken us up. However, if we are not a good match, we're still friends!!! No more endless list of people who we met once or twice and never talked to again.
- Following this philosophy is very difficult, but anything worth while is not going to be easy, right? The show stopper for most people is that I encourage people, who are sick of dating, to NOT have ANY intimate contact for 4-6 months, and no talking about it. This is a push, back towards the days of being super respectful towards another person and taking time to be good friends and having fun. IF you make it to 5 months even as friends, then I recommend spending an entire day with somebody in a crowded shopping mall. That will bring out the "crazy" in a lot of people, but it's ok because the person just ends up being a good friend. IF you make it past 5 months, how do you get it out of "The New Friend Zone"? I will tell you when you make it that long ;)
- How did this new term come into existence? I was going to school at Azusa Pacific University to be a Christian minister and I noticed a lot of my friends meeting really nice people at church, bars, clubs, the beach, or some other way, but they would go out with them 1 time and that was it. I was thinking there had a be a different way to do things. And then I realized that if us guys had some control, and we could keep from telling girls everything at once, we could just hang out as friends and have some great times! We just needed to tell the Ladies what we were doing, in order to cut down on confusion.
- So what can we do here in San Diego? Surf, paddleboard, hike, go to , dinner, concerts, church together or meet at other places of worship, clubs, anything.... but do it WITHOUT it being a "dating" thing. I am excited to share this philosophy with people, and ESPECIALLY guys, because I have met some truly incredible women friends, whom I love, but we are not a good match for one another. I wish us guys understood the fun there is to have with just hanging out, but as a whole, we don't. Most times for us guys, who are out of school/college, it's "all or nothing," and our ego gets hurt when a woman says she just wants to hang out. To her, that might mean, "I just want to hang out NOW, but maybe there is something later." Lol. Guys take it as being put in the "Friend Zone." Even if it means, "I just want to hang out," we should be ok with it and value time with a nice woman. We are so dense.
For those that are into different types of "non-traditional" romantic relationships, this may work as well, but I am not in a position to say- and no, it has nothing to do with the fact that I am Christian. I just haven't thought about this yet, outside of my setting. In addition, according to Meetup.com policy I need to make it clear that this is not a group which is designed to help with your, "pick-up or seduction techniques, or wingman tactics!" In fact, it is a Singles group which is the exact opposite. I am HIGHLY encouraging members to just hang out for months before you make your feelings known. Focus on good times in a low pressure environments. If you want to meet people to date right away, this is not your group. And if you meet somebody right away, try and use the NEW "Friend Zone" philosophy to give things some time. You don't want to be the creepy person who is trying to get with everybody, Lol!
One last thing- this whole concept can be really confusing. Sorry. I speak with my heart so it tends to come out sounding all messed up, but believe me, it is all about treating others with the respect that they deserve and having some great times. So let's hang out, and learn how to be friends again while we go surf!