Whose values are these? Part 4: Living your Values

In this four part series, we will discuss a path to discerning your own values from those of your friends, family, and society. During the first session, we learned about the importance of and ways to create a space or an environment for optimal self-observation. During the second session, we dove deep into the values of those individuals and groups around us that often shape our thinking and decision making. During the third session we worked to recognize and distinguish our own values from those around us. And during this final session, we will discuss the concept of differentiation where we work within the tension of being ourselves and remaining in connection.

I have added a link to a Substack article provided by a member of the community below about the concept from Bowen’s. If you can access it and would like to read as background information heading into the session, great. It will not be considered mandatory reading, however.

https://rachelhaack.substack.com/p/the-relationship-skill-that-changes?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=3uu2a0&triedRedirect=true

In short, the concept of differentiation was brought to us by Dr. Murray Bowen’s as part of his Family Systems Theory, though it is not considered the main attraction. It poses the very real challenge that emerges after we have taken the time to identify our own values. How do we show up as ourselves when we are with others? This can be especially tricky as we navigate family, friend, and workplace dynamics that pre-date our sense of selves. Specifically, the author of the Substack article, Rachel Haack poses:

“The goal isn’t to become yourself instead of having relationships.

The goal isn’t to preserve relationships by abandoning yourself.

The invitation is to develop an internal infrastructure that is strong enough to manage both separateness and connectedness at the same time.”

This topic is relevant whether you have formally named your values. So whether you’ve been able to make it for the previous sessions or not, you are welcome to join us!

Wisdom Traditions we will engage in during this session:
Hillel's Three Questions (Rabbinic tradition, ~1st century BCE)
Wu Wei and the Water Imagery of the Tao Te Ching (Taoism, ~4th century BCE)
The Desert Fathers' Practice of "the Cell" (Early Christian monasticism, ~3rd–4th century CE)
Premeditatio malorum
Upekkha (equanimity)