Men’s Empowerment Network

TLDR;
As a straight, white American man, father of 3 and failed husband, twice over, I have experienced many traumas throughout my life and at times, I have felt trapped in many types of paradoxes. In moments of need, I have occasionally sought out a support group and found nothing.

For over a decade I have experienced some key hardships at the hands of some manipulative and abusive women, who physically and emotionally hurt me.

This compacted trauma caused me to stay single for several years to pick up some broken pieces but sadly my current marriage is headed down the same path.

Despite these types of traumas we, as men are required to survive and thrive. As such, I have been relatively successful in my professional life but during the turbulent times my career has suffered.

This is meant to be a platform for men who are in a similar pattern and going through similar experiences.

I was raised as a free-range kid, by a single mother, who tried her best, in the suburbs of America during the 80s. I had no connection with my father until after I graduated college, so as a child and teen I went down some wrong paths and managed to survive many bad decisions which I made.

One thing I managed to do was study and keep good grades throughout elementary, high school and college, though my grades occasionally did suffer due to some life incidences.

I find that now I am at a crossroad and my life is taking a turn for the worst. I could do nothing about it and just leave it like a messy closet until I am forced to open it, but instead I choose to share all the good, the bad and the ugly in hopes of helping others and myself.

I routinely ask myself if I should go to church, even though I seldom go. I constantly make promises which may seem empty to the ones around me. And I even am guilty of getting lost in playing Call of Duty when things in my life go awry.

I want nothing more than to be peaceful and loving, provide for my family and be happy, but generally my relationships turn into a struggle filled with argument, abuse, toxicity.

I realize that I am half of the equation and I am even a common denominator across all my relationships.

Have I truly accepted responsibility, even though I claim I do?

What is my claim, in a world where I feel like my better have only blames me while she accuses me of blaming her?

Is it too much to ask and expect my wife to accept responsibility for her part?

In the process of feeling and being victim-blamed am I, in fact victim-blaming my wife?

Do the answers and solutions ultimately lead to the path of stoicism?

How can I have an understanding and desire to be stoic yet I fail to practice it?

Why do I continually fall into a cycle?

What is my true purpose and where am I going?

These questions and my life gives me cause to take this journey to try and understand things which I have not grasped and to place myself into unfamiliar territory which may cause discomfort to try to transform myself into a better man.

My goal is to tell my story and use this platform to connect with and build a network for other men, young and old, to connect, share and support each other.

This is a test to see where things lead. We may only have more questions but at least let us find out.