Not Alone

✦ Not Alone
A gentle, low-pressure meetup for people who feel anxious about social gatherings.

Have you ever wanted to go to a meetup but felt too anxious to show up?
Or gone to one and felt so overwhelmed that you couldn’t keep going?

If so, you're not alone in feeling this way.

Not Alone is for people who feel lonely, but struggle with the pressure to pretend they’re okay, confident, or comfortable.

Here, you don’t have to pretend.

✦✦ How it works
At each meetup, you choose a colour card to show how open you are to interaction:

• Quiet time only — not ready to talk or listen. (You’re welcome to quietly do your own thing while being together.)
• Listening only — okay to listen, not ready to talk. (No small talk.)
• Light chat — small talk is okay, nothing deep.
• Open to conversation — okay to talk and listen.

You can change your colour card anytime.

Gently guided question cards you're free to use will also be available to use during the session.

We’ll mostly talk about how we’re feeling, but there’s no pressure to share.

Meetups are about 1 hour, with a maximum of 6 people

You’re free to leave anytime.

Just a reminder...
Awkward silences are welcome here.

This is not a group about fancy or impressive social skills. It's about gently tolerating anxiety, not alone, but together, in real life, at your own pace.

It can still be intimidating to join, and being isolated can leave us feeling stuck.
You’re welcome exactly as you are. Just being together is enough.

✦✦✦ Please Note
• Not professional therapy — Please respect each other, be non-judgemental and avoid hurtful language. We aim to make this a safe place for everyone.
• Not a dating group
• Not religious
• Conversations in English (fluency not required)
• Free to join during trial phase — each person pays for their own drink or snack
• If fewer than 3 attendees RSVP, the session will be cancelled.
• If the café is full, we may move nearby before the session starts. RSVPs will get an update via the app.

✦✦✦✦ More About Not Alone (FAQ and more)
If you'd like more detail before deciding, here are some additional notes.

I’ve tried meetups before and felt overwhelmed. How is this different?
Some social spaces can feel intense — larger groups, fast conversations, or unspoken expectations to participate.
This meetup is intentionally small and structured to reduce pressure. Colour cards, flexible participation, gently guided question cards, and the freedom to leave are all designed to lower social expectations, allowing you to adjust your level of interaction as you go.

What if I freeze, shut down, or change my mind?
That’s fine.
You can switch your card at any point without explanation. There’s no expectation to “push through” anxiety or stay consistent.

What if it ends up being very quiet?
Silence isn’t a problem.
If no one feels ready to talk, we simply share space. Bringing something gentle to focus on can make that feel more natural.

I’m not confident in English. Will that be a problem?
You don’t need perfect English to participate. The host is also not a native speaker, so don't worry.
Any of us may speak slowly or pause to find the right words, and anxiety can make it even harder to speak. The goal of this group isn’t fluency or perfection — it’s being present as you are.

Do I need to bring anything?
It’s a good idea to bring something quiet to do—like reading, journaling, knitting, or music with headphones—just in case no one feels ready to talk. No pressure!

Do I need to pay for anything?
The meetup itself is free to join during the trial phase. However, everyone is expected to pay for their own drink or food at the café. There’s no additional fee for attending the session.

I’m joining for the first time. Am I supposed to know how the session works?
No, you're not supposed to figure out how the session works by yourself. Once you make it here, you will get a small handout with step-by-step guidance (with gently guided question cards and the colour cards) that you can refer to at any time — it’s here to support you and help you feel comfortable, not to create pressure. It can feel comfortable but also unfamiliar at first — we’re going to get familiar with it together during the session, not by yourself.

Do I have to follow the guidance exactly?
The guidance is meant as a supportive tool, not something to follow for the sake of following. It may be adjusted over time to better fit what works best for each person. Small mistakes can happen while using the guidance, and as long as everyone is respectful, it keeps the session comfortable.

Is there a reserved table for the meetup?
For now, we usually don’t reserve a table, since the group is still small and doesn’t have regular members yet. If the chosen café is full or there isn’t enough seating for everyone, we may move to a nearby café before the session begins. Participants who RSVP will receive an updated location from the organizer through the app.

What if I can’t attend at the last minute or need to leave early?
If you can’t attend for personal or mental health reasons, that’s completely fine. A short message letting us know is appreciated. And you’re free to leave whenever you need to, and there’s no need to explain.

How is the location chosen?
When choosing a café, I'll try to consider opening times, reviews, whether we can reserve a table, and if there's enough space for everyone. Café suggestions are always welcome, though any recommended café may be considered rather than guaranteed as the location.

Is this therapy or a mental health program?
No. This is not a clinical space and does not replace professional support.
It is a peer gathering to be around others without pretending. Mutual respect is expected.

Why was this group started?
This group started as something for myself, with the hope that it can be a supportive space for anyone experiencing similar struggles.

✦ Questions or more information
If you have any further questions, please feel free to reach out by email: personajaness@gmail.com