How not to be defensive in relationships

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhXsqv8b7mE

It's nice to win an argument, isn't it?

Except when?

Is there really any winning?
When you receive feedback from a friend or partner, sometimes it's not communicated in the best way.

How can we separate the wheat from the chaff?

How much of the feedback is questionable, vs we're just defensive about the subject, or defensive in general?

How do we set the mood for giving feedback?

What tools can we use to receive feedback without freaking out?