What is Modesty?
Details
Please arrive at 6:45pm to order your drinks/food so that we can start the event at 7pm with minimum interruption. Thank you.
Note: For this discussion, modesty refers to the restraint from boasting or calling undue attention to one's abilities, achievements, or possessions.
Across many cultures, modesty is highly valued. It’s the practice of downplaying personal success, not necessarily out of low self-esteem, but out of respect for others, social harmony, or cultural expectation.
In a number of countries, including Canada, modest behaviour is often expected. In Scandinavia, this expectation is formalized through a cultural code known as Janteloven, which deeply shapes social behavior, encouraging humility and discouraging self-promotion as a form of social cohesion. In these environments, people who boast risk being seen as arrogant, self-important, or out of touch with group norms. According to a study published by the British Psychological Society, even subtle signals of wealth or status, such as driving a luxury car or name-dropping elite institutions, can make others perceive someone as less cooperative and less likable, regardless of their actual behaviour. In these contexts, modesty functions as social glue, fostering trust, cohesion, equality, and mutual respect.
But in professional settings, particularly in global or competitive environments, modesty can come at a cost. As the Harvard Business Review highlights, professionals from modesty-valuing cultures often struggle with self-promotion in international workspaces where visibility and assertiveness are rewarded. They may hesitate to share achievements, advocate for themselves, or “sell” their work, even when it’s necessary. This mismatch can lead to being overlooked for promotions, funding, or leadership roles. In such cases, modesty isn’t just a personal choice, it becomes a cultural disadvantage.
Moreover, modesty is often gendered and racialized. Research shows that women and people from underrepresented backgrounds are more likely to be penalized for self-promotion and more likely to internalize modesty as a survival strategy. But what happens when modesty, however noble in intent, reinforces silence or invisibility?
Still, not all self-promotion is egotism. Sometimes what we call “showing off” is simply taking credit where it’s due or ensuring good work doesn’t go unnoticed. Evolutionary psychology even suggests that displaying competence or resources can serve useful social functions, helping individuals attract allies, gain trust, or navigate competitive environments. In today’s attention economy, those who speak up tend to be heard. So when does sharing accomplishment cross the line into boasting? And when does silence become a disservice to oneself or others?
Modesty, then, lives in a delicate tension: between being likable and being visible, between respecting others and representing oneself. It can build connection and credibility, but it can also limit opportunity. And as norms shift across cultures and industries, so too must our understanding of when and why modesty matters.
Let’s explore together:
- Is modesty a good thing? Share your thoughts.
- Is modesty more about internal inclination or external social pressures?
- Can modesty coexist with ambition and self-confidence, or are these qualities inherently in tension?
- Why are people who show off often seen as unlikable, even if they’ve earned what they’re celebrating?
- How do different economic systems, like capitalism and social democracy, shape our attitudes toward modesty and self-promotion?
- Is there a difference between celebrating your achievements and boasting about them? Where is that line, and who gets to draw it?
- Should society value modesty more or less than it currently does? What would a healthy balance between modesty and recognition look like?
Resources:
https://www.wsj.com/video/the-science-of-bragging-and-boasting/7523B3D7-27E9-4C7D-891B-A675764387F9
https://hbr.org/2014/03/self-promotion-for-professionals-from-countries-where-bragging-is-bad
What is Modesty?