Do We Still Believe In Monogamy?

Tonight’s discussion: Do We Still Believe In Monogamy?

For generations, the default setting has been simple: two people, one house. But recently, that architecture has been shifting. We are hearing less about the 'Nuclear Couple' and more about interconnected webs of intimacy that expand far beyond the pair.

For tonight's Questions That Matter we aren't here to decide which way is 'right.' We are here to look at the changing math of the discussion. Questions around, is, or how fair is it to default to expecting one person to fill every emotional, financial, and romantic need for another human being for 50 years? Or are we trying to potentially build a 'tribe’ of many partners simply because we are losing the capacity for singular commitment?

Some prompts and angles we might explore for the discussion::

1. Does the concept of "The Soulmate" or "The One" romanticize our lives, and might it also set us up for inevitable failure by asking one person to be our everything?

2. Where do you stand? Do you think humans are naturally monogamous, naturally non-monogamous, or naturally something that depends entirely on context and conditioning?

3. The Stigma Check. Why do we feel it’s socially acceptable to have 5 serial spouses (divorce/remarry), but socially taboo to have 2 or 3 concurrent partners?

4. Is the rise of non-monogamy just a reaction to the loss of "The Village?" Are we trying to build a tribe through sexual connections because we’ve evolved out of more traditional norms?

5. Do you feel non-monogamy is irresponsible for parents, or could it be quite the opposite, that having more loving adults in the house actually benefits the child?

6. "Compersion" is the joy of seeing your partner happy with someone else. Is this a higher state of empathy we should all aspire to, or could it become a performative virtue—or even a form of self-delusion for some?

7. Would the freedom of dating multiple people be potentially worth the emotional cost of the jealousy? Are signs of jealousy as simple in this regard as: a sign of deep love ("I value you"), or a sign of deep insecurity ("I don't value myself")? To what degree do we think Jealousy can be unlearned, or is it to some degree hardwired?

8. If monogamy is natural, why might infidelity be universal across every culture in history? Is cheating a "bug" in the system, or a "feature" that keeps the system from collapsing?

As usual, the goal of the night isn’t simply to agree, disagree, or learn. It’s also to connect through genuine, lively, interactive discussion and, potentially, to go to some of the unexpected and uncharted places that deep and free conversation can take us.

Since we started Questions That Matter, between 25 and 50 people have joined us weekly. When we wrap up around 8:00 PM, we hope you’ll mingle, exchange numbers, and head out with the many in the group who go for something to eat or drink. As polarized as the world is right now, one of the deepest connections still available to human beings is a shared meal.

Whether you’re in Chiang Mai for a short visit or you’re a longer-term expat or resident, we hope you can join us, not only in exploring the deeper questions but in making new connections and friendships through the discussions.

If possible, please support the venue, 4seas, by purchasing a beverage or a snack. They are kindly providing the space to us at no charge.

Come join the conversation!