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Kristine T
user 18088701
New Glarus, WI
Post #: 2
This is an interesting discussion! Its fun and fuzzy to think how wonderful it would be to find my soulmate and live happier ever after, but I'm learning that there is no such thing as happily ever after on Earth. This has helped me stay in the moment and take one day at a time.

I believe people can have more than one soulmate and maybe the more one knows him/herself they can connect more deeply with another. I think the key is to just be yourself and then meeting your potential soulmate who is able to be him/herself will connect and align perfectly and live happier ever after, oh wait no then theres life, well at least happy and joyous on a day to day basis.

I think you can meet someone that could be your soulmate but not be at a good spot hence pass up on the opportunity for whatever reason. I'm thankful that for the first time in my life I'm getting to know me and my soul and love being myself...

Kristine
A former member
Post #: 6
I'm going to contradict most others. Soul mates, and most certainly love at first sight, don't exist, and people would be much happier if they understood this. Couples and marriages are built, they don't magically happen. My ex and I knew one another for almost three years before being married--that was time to know one another's weaknesses and strengths, assure we were compatible at a basic level, and know we could have fun together. When we took a "compatibility test" with her pastor, we both answered the question, "Do you believe you are the happiest couple alive?" with the answer, "Hell, no", and her pastor smiled and said we'd do fine. Even on the eve of the wedding, I had a great deal of trepidation.

And yet, from that initial feeling of worry, things simply got better and better for the next four years. Every year, I found myself amazed that I'd been so lucky to find that person. And a big part of that reason was, we both worked at our marriage. My ex was better at this than I was, but neither of us took the relationship for granted, we were always willing to compromise, to try to do what was necessary not just to make one of us happy, but to make both of us happy.

I'll only say a few things about what ended the marriage--it was very personal and very painful. We were very compatible, there was no betrayal, infidelity, or lying, and it is not something that will affect more than a small number of people. "Unusual necessity" is somewhat accurate.

So I think that my above observations are valid. I saw my parents, who did not have what I thought was a good marriage, and I think that they and many other people could have been much happier by doing what myself and my ex did. As for soul mates--there are people who you can "click" with immediately. That says nothing about the longer term, and the longer term is all you should care about.
Carrie S.
user 9880629
Madison, WI
Post #: 14
Honestly the sad part is That I never got the Soulmate feeling with my current x...I think physical attraction is what we may have gone off of which I know now is not everything and way less important than really truly connecting with ones soul "aka" there inner beauty, as well! I'll addmitt that I think I may have let my soulmate get away and sadly he is now Married and has 2 beautiful children..So I am wondering if one can have several soulmates in your lifetime cuz apparently I realize now that I let mine go....
A former member
Post #: 97
Carrie, it is simple math. With the world so full of people, how could there really truly only be 1 person that is a perfect match for you? Plus, your hot, so you get a bigger pond to fish in!
A former member
Post #: 2
For the record, everything I will write now is "tinged" with the fact that my wife has very recently (3 days ago, right after my first “alone” gobble gobble day) told me that there is absolutely, positively no way for us to reconcile and that she doesn't love me and hasn't loved me for some time even though I still hold an IMMENSE amount of love for her.. You’ve been warned.. Don't read past this or else.. I mean it, don't read anymore.. Fiiiine.. I did warn you though.

We’ve known each other for 16 years (5 of “dating” and 11 as a married couple) and we knew that we were different from early on but I felt that we complemented each other because of this. She felt that this difference separated us and fed into the slow erosion of her feelings towards me. One recent point of contention where some communications she had with an ex of hers, someone she has in many occasions referred to as her “soul-mate” (“What does it matter if he’s her soul-mate, she’s married to me, right? Right?”) She has stated that even though she thinks of him as her SM (soul-mate or sadomaso.. well, you get the picture), she could never have married him or been with him because of who he is and what he did to her. She thinks of him as her SM because he could giver her things that could “feed her soul and understood what she was going through without her having to tell him” (How can anyone compare to that “high” standard?)

Do soulmates exist? I don’t believe so. I believe some people can share a deeper connection which is built through time and by dealing with the ins and outs of life (“Any idiot can face a crisis -- it's the day-to-day living that wears you out." Anton Chekov) This also means that some people can connect with someone at this level more than once but then again, if you are in a relation with one soulmate, how did the “next” soulmate connect with you?

Sooo.. I am left with thoughts and emotions that will run rampant through my head for a looong time to come and. I will emerge different, changed by a set of circumstances that have been set upon me and my children. There are times when a dark sense of humor can be a double-edge sword.

We also have to acknowledge that this discussion is being analyzed by a group of people that have gone through a “different” set of circumstances than some. What would happen if the discussion was in the “Paramour” or “Polyamory” groups?

Sorry for the "upbeat" reply.. You were warned though.
A former member
Post #: 2
This is an interesting discussion. I have mixed opinions. Twice I thought I had found my soulmate. One I let go to go off and do something extremely stupid; the other abruptly dumped me with no warning after effusively professing his love for me and his desire to have me in his life forever. Do they exist? The hopeless romantic in me believes that there are multiple "soulmates" for each of us and that if we strive to become our true and authentic selves, and to love ourselves, that we will attract them to us. The cynic - the result of an abusive marriage and some other nasty stuff - tells me that my dog is probably as close to a soulmate as I'll ever get. He's not going to cheat on me, tell me I'm fat, manipulate me in malevolent ways, or break up with me because he's scared of whatever.

Generally, I try to embrace the hopeless romantic because ultimately, I want real, true love and a deep connection with a man. I certainly won't find that if I allow my inner cynic to run the show. Am I ready to find that soulmate? This past year has left me unsure of that. I may need a bit more time to focus on me, and healing my wounds before I can really let someone in again. But I'm certainly open to all the possibilities in life....
A former member
Post #: 7
In reply to Laura, I'll just repeat what I said before, in a different form. Soulmates are built, not found. The idea that you can go and find your "perfect match" has never made sense to me, there are just too many variables for any two people to match up like that. What you can do is find someone who your are compatible with on fundamental issues and have fun with, _and_ who is willing to compromise _significantly_ (as are you, right?) if that's what it takes to make the relationship work. With that, your in a position to create something that, over time, will be an (almost perfect match). Like most other worthwhile things in life, relationships take work, perseverance, and the ability to accept compromise.

I actually find relationships more beautiful because compromise and flexibility is required. My ex-wife required some compromise of me (not as much as she should have, sadly), and because of that, I had to stretch some of me beyond my comfort zone and become a better person.

I do think you need to be compatible on "the basics". Here is an incomplete list of them: money, children (whether to have and how to raise), fundamental values (A Tea Party member would be a bad match for me), and not really much else.

Obviously both should also be reasonably healthy (mentally and physically). But past that, you just don't need that much.

I find sad the modern emphasis on finding the "perfect mate". It gets in the way of finding the "compatible mate" who really _could_ be the perfect mate with time.
Laura
user 6540411
Madison, WI
Post #: 156
I don't think about a soul mate as someone one just stumbles upon who happens to be the "perfect" person from the very beginning. However, I do feel there are some folks with whom one clicks more immediately and more deeply than others. And while all relationships do, indeed, take work, some take less work than than others.

I have a very close (female) friend whom I would consider to be a soul sister. We are different in many ways, but we get along tremendously. We think alike, we laugh a lot, we have an enormous amount of respect for one another, and we accept, one another for who we are. We will be friends forever. In fact, I jokingly told her some time back that if I were to find a romantic relationship similar to the kind of relationship I have with her, I would feel as though I had found my "soul mate".

Can a person have that with more than one person? Sure. But to me "soul mate" signifies something really special, above and beyond the usual. I have other close female friends whose friendship I value very highly. But none of those relationships are quite the same.

I guess to me "soul mate" is term that would define something rare and very, very special. But not necessarily limited to one individual per lifetime.
A former member
Post #: 26
What I believe a soul mate is, is when you see an elderly couple and one gives the other a small smooch. You can see lifetime, a history of two lives built together as one.

Happiness

Comfort

Romance

Soulmate
Carrie S.
user 9880629
Madison, WI
Post #: 15
Brad...that is truly sweet. Tugs at the heart strings...I saw that in my grandparents whom both passed last year,they were truly soulmates, That reminds of them. My parents Share this type of love as well...I hope to find that type of love.
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